Quick Catch-up

Hi all!! So... I'm working on figuring out how this business of working 40 hours a week and going to school thing is going to work. And I've been busy getting wedding stuff done for my sister who's getting married this weekend :)  But I'm going to be better about keeping on top of my blogging world. Which is why I'm posting updates for the last week before the actual wedding postings begin.  But my goodness it is nice to be back home in UT with the beautiful blue skies and sunshine.  And my family is great too :)  In fact, I spent the whole morning with my sweet nephew and sisters at the pool.  Good times!  And isn't he just a doll?!

So, school. School was good. It's going to take a lot of remembering how to sit for extended periods of time. My first class is a critical thinking in nursing class, and I'm also taking a health topics class on healthcare and immigration. Both should be interesting, and I can already tell that I'm going to love my critical thinking teacher. The other ...is going to take some work, but the class should be interesting.  I've already written my first two assignments, and I've found that slipping back into professional writing was quite seamless --thank goodness, because there will be much more to come.  We got to do papers on our personality tests that we took, and that was a fun bit of introspective learning. I was a tie between the 'teacher' and 'counselor.' Both are less than 2% of the population, so I'm a rare gem indeed ;)  I agreed with most of the assessments, about how people are my main focus and how I like to get the best from people and I tend to idealize life and relationships ...if they had any idea! But it's been fun so far, and I can't wait to keep going and learning.  That's what I miss more so than anything. I love the learning. I love the University atmosphere. I love the opportunity and the spirit of limitless skies that surrounds it.  I'm missing my second day of class (we only go one day a week) in light of the upcoming wedding festivities, but I'll have a collection of homework to do in the meantime. Until then, I'm excited for nest week!!

Back to School, Back to School...

Today as I was lounging on my couch I came to the sudden realization that I am going to school tomorrow. Clarification, I realized that I was starting classes tomorrow. I had yet to realize until that moment however, that I was going back to school. As in clothes shopping-supply stocking-backpack packing-lay out your outfit for the next day before you go to sleep- back to school. Remember how you'd have all your new school clothes that you weren't allowed to wear until school started, so you'd organize them in your closet according to the order you were going to wear them in? You had everything planned for weeks in advance.

My how times have changed. I realized in my couch-lounging epiphany that I don't even own a backpack. Or a single sheet of paper, let alone a notebook. I have several pens, but they're for work.  So today, just more then 12 hours before my first class starts I made a trip to Target. I had to get a notebook and a pack of pens, and just for good measure I got a new jump drive. For a backpack I think I'll just use my laptop case since each desk/station is laptop equipped with all the plug-ins. Like I said, my how times have changed. Gone are the days of pencil boxes and lunch boxes with a matching thermos. On second thought, maybe I'll pick up a pencil box and lunch box after all. And some new crayons.

Today's Rant

Ok, here's the thing. What the eff is going on in the world?!  Ryan Dunn drinks and drives with buddies and tragedy ensues? Shocking. Not really. This happens every day. Tragic? Absolutely. Surprising? No. You make mistakes, you do stupid things and bad things happen. Let's just say that it's a good thing that innocent people weren't killed as well. Because that is true tragedy. And I see it every day. There is nothing worse than explaining to parents, children, loved ones of innocent people who have been killed and/or maimed because of others' decisions to drink and drive.  It is sad to loose a single life to bad decisions, no matter who's life it is.  I'm by no means perfect. I make bad decisions, I do things I know I shouldn't. So let's let this servo as a reminder to society to be a little smarter, and make RESPONSIBLE decisions. It's a novel concept in our society, I know. Actually having to pay the consequences of your actions? It's crazy I know. But the fact is that we are free to make whatever decisions we may. We are not free however to choose the consequences that go with those decisions. It's a package deal.

Also, Amy Winehouse? You mean rehab for a week didn't work?  Weird. Terribly sad. I'm very fortunate that I have people around me that support positive decisions and expect excellent things from me. That expect me to be a positive responsible member of society. I wish those involved in these stories --and in the ones like them across the country that don't get splayed all over the news-- health, healing, and better decision making and coping skills in the future. And that is my soap box for the day.

To My Dad

I will never forget the times we've spent. The early mornings filled with Smurfs and PeeWee Herman.  The evenings filled with "Your-ami" Vice and "Dukes"  I'll never forget the hours spent over a coloring book ...and how you never minded when I made you switch pictures halfway through. I'll always remember the countless towers made of blocks and races of the cars around the track.  The way you'd watch  movies with me, or watch movies while I rocked away in my rocking chair singing the  words to some Alabama song or "All My Ex's" at the top of my lungs. I'll always remember our Saturday morning drives to go get a pepsi and how you'd listen to and encourage my every rambling word. I'll never forget the lessons you taught me. Lessons learned by example. You taught me the value of hard work and of taking care of the things you are blessed with. Because of you I knew and still know that I can be whatever I want to be.  I'm so very blessed to have a dad who encourages and supports me at every turn.  Remember when we'd drive down the road --perhaps to get a pepsi or two --and I'd proudly read the words to EVERY word on EVERY sign we passed?  Haha! And you never complained, or bid me silent, just marveled at how brilliant your daughter was.  From you and The Happy Man and His Dump Truck I learned to love reading and learning.  I'm sure you still have nightmares of the little fat man coming to take you away in his truck with his animals, I made you read it so very often.  But I remember. Because of you and Mom I know what it is to be loved and to be cherished. I'm grateful that you loved me enough to expect excellence from me. You've always seen in me things that are sometimes hard to see in myself, and it means the world to me that you are there for me still. Even today, far away and grown, I often long to be at home with my dad.  I miss you every day. And my favorite moments in life are when I can come home to visit and we sit and laugh and chat. Or "watch" a movie ...depending on which one of us can stay awake :) I love calling you to share the latest joke or just to see how your day is going when we haven't talked for a while. I love you and wish you the happiest of days on today, your father's day!!

Sniper Lessons

So while running around (Ok standing at the desk trying to do a million things at once) at work yesterday I overheard a conversation between two coworkers.  One of our physician assistants was giving advice to one of our techs on a recent fire dept interview that he'd had. The tech was frustrated with how things had gone. The PaC (who happens to be retired Army Special Forces/Las Vegas Metro PD/SWAT) was explaining to him that he can't let it linger with him on his upcoming interview this weekend.  He said, "Man, that round's already down range. You can't do anything about it now, the only thing you can do is use the experience on the next shot to be fired. You can't take a bullet back once it's been sent down range. You can't change the direction or trajectory, so it does you no good to continue worrying about where it landed." I like this philosophy.

Uh-oh

Today's horoscope (according to the app on my phone) reads as follows:

Mood:
Beware of moon opposite sun that will hurt your morale. You will feel a bit depressed and will seriously lack motivation.

Love:
Your heart will not be ready to feel something. All the people you will meet today will appear boring and insipid.

Career:
You will carry out your tasks without much conviction, and you are not trying to stand out

Wellness:
Here you are again brooding over your past and your disappointments, torturing yourself for nothing that deserves it.

Welp, this doesn't bode well for my going to work today --time to call in sick?!  Lol, man this one really hit the nail on the head today.  Of course it is my 6th night of 6 shifts in a row, so in general I will find everyone boring and insipid. I have been zapped of motivation and my tolerance level for stupidity has been met and exceeded around day two. Day six is almost comical in this regard :)  I am indeed in kind of a generally numb unfeeling mood.  As for the brooding over the past... I have no excuse. It's what I do on occasion. And I'm ok with it for today. Because underneath it all, I know that I am indeed a rock star both destined for and in the midst of greatness. Here's to being kind to and accepting ourselves today!

The thing is...

Hi all!  Sorry I've been so quiet lately. I've been busy with a multitude of fairly menial tasks, and well, quite frankly, my internal dialog has been quite monotonous and repetitive. Pretty much I just haven't had much new/inspiring/colorful/entertaining to say :)  I've been busy with work, and with getting ready for my sister's wedding (read scheduling hair cut/color/blowout appointments), and with the day to day 'housekeeping' sort of tasks that if not kept up on will overwhelm your life with clutter.  It's amazing how the little things can pile up and how freeing it is when you actually accomplish them!  I only have three more appointments to schedule before the weekend and I'll be all caught up. Oh, and I need to back up my computer, save all my photos to discs, download my free windows 7 and microsoft office 2011 upgrade, and update my anti-virus software. And I need to download netflix, update the apps on my phone, update my starbucks card, and I just saw an app store for my computer?  Hello angry birds on my 17" screen!! (menial tasks like I said, but there's a bazillion of 'em)  Phew. In addition I've officially become a card carrying University of Washington Husky. That's right folks, school officially began with orientation this week (hence the free windows 7 and microsoft office updates). And I made it official by stopping by the bookstore and picking myself up some purple gear --purple plaid lounge-y pj bottoms and a purple comfy cotton jammie tshirt. Purple will never replace Aggie blue, but I'm doing this new thing where I stay in the 'present' of my own life :)  The other thing I accomplished this week was the passing of my Certified Emergency Nurse (CEN) exam.  It's kind of like taking the nursing boards again only its all specific to emergency care. Something like only 2% of emergency nurses have this certification, so it's kind of a big deal. But also sad for our profession, no? Only 2%?

Now that we know what I've been up to... I still don't really have any thoughts of my own to share. I've been in a SaTC marathon mode, contemplating the status of my life and relationships and goals. Like I said earlier, monotonous and repetitive :) However, today I was inspired by words of a dear friend.  She had the following to say:

We are more afraid of how great we can be than that we are nothing; more afraid to be truly loved, than rejected; More afraid of true friends, than of fake ones; More afraid of what we can do and handle, than what we can't. We don't want to see what we can do and be, have and love because it comes at a higher greater cost. True friends, true love, true greatness comes as a great and wonderful gift, but at the cost of greater responsibility, sacrifice, faith, trust, and duty. To love someone enough to be willing to die for them, is also to love them enough to be willing to live for them, which may actually be more difficult. To truly care means to know you will feel and share as much pain as you do joy that isn't your own or about you. To know you are great and capable is to know you have no excuse for not doing all you can and should, and to be left with out an excuse is scary. To know you are great and loved, and to love, is to know that you MUST give your ALL, no matter the cost, or stand as if naked before God and face the consequence of not doing what you could, when He gave you everything you needed to accomplish all he asked of you. --Mandi M.


So very true, and reminded me of my favorite Nelson Mandela quote.  The part that I loved was that true friends, love, and greatness come at the cost of greater responsibility, sacrifice, faith, trust, and duty.  Isn't that so true?  The thing about having it all and actually reaching for all that we are capable of is that you have so much more to loose. That's where the fear comes in. It's not that I'm afraid to be truly loved in and of itself, it's that I'm afraid that once I have that again I'll loose it again. When you achieve great things and risk great things to put yourself in great places you have a lot further to fall, a lot more to risk, a lot more to loose. It's easier to stay in the comfort of the familiar and stagnant than the sometimes scary land of growth, progress, and greatness. Not better, but easier. So here's to pushing ourselves. To standing a little taller, being a little better, and as Harriet Tubman once said, "Always remember you have within you the strength, the patience, the passion to reach for the stars. To change the world."