Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Carrie Bradshaw once said, "I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it, and chair committees, and write thank you notes, and I can't feel bad about that."  Bless her, I'm one of those people. Life has a funny way of reminding you.  I can save a life without blinking an eye, I've made it through three college degrees, I can do great things. And then I walk out of work and fall in the parking lot. For no reason. Fall. Not trip, not step off something funny, just fall. And not gracefully. My coworkers may have thought I had a seizure. And I'm fine. It's comical really, my sister and I have a running contest of sorts. I fell while hiking -almost of the side of the mountain. She fell off a curb a while ago. I fell down the stairs at my parents house last year. While barefoot. Not carrying anything. Just fell. Down the whole flight. She texted me the other day to inform me that her fall-free streak had ended and she had fallen while walking on the sidewalk. And then today it's my turn.  So yes. I am beautiful in my own way. I am smart, and I am damn good at what I do, but I will never be the regal woman with the perfect glossy hair who can wear white without spilling on it, and I will fall in empty secluded pavement covered parking lots without so much as a rock to blame for being in my way. Oi.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Mem'ries Light the Corner of my Mind

I remember the night like a crystal clear video playing in my mind, even though it was ten years ago this month. I was driving home in my car Nellie. It was dark, 10 or 11 at night. I stopped at the mailbox down the street from home, got out my mail key, and like any other night, checked the box on the way home. This time there was a white envelope for me in it. A white envelope with a purple Weber State University emblem in the top left corner. I started to shake, grabbed the rest of the contents from the box and sat back down in my car. I took a deep shaky breath, put everything down except that one envelope. I turned it over and with another tremulous breath slid my finger under the flap. I pulled out the tri-fold letter, took another breath, unfolded it as I closed my eyes. I opened my eyes after another deep breath and read the words, "Miss Toni Lehman, the cooperative nursing program at Utah State and Weber State University is proud to welcome you into the class of nursing to begin this fall on the campus of Utah State University." I gasped, grinned, and shrieked in the same moment and clapped my hands and hit Nellie's steering wheel repeatedly in excitement. I drove around the corner and pulled into the driveway. I gathered my belongings out of my car, went inside, put the rest of the mail on the counter and went in to the front-room where my mother was laying on the couch reading a book and having her nightly bowl of popcorn. I turned the corner, grinned, and proudly proclaimed, "Mom... I got in!!" Then I jumped up and down, gave her a big hug and then sat down almost in shock on the piano bench. I had done it. I was one of the top 24 of the 325 applicants to one of the nation's top nursing programs --and I made it into the program on my first try. I remember the moment so well now, the moment that shaped my destiny and has taken me on such a crazy journey. It's crazy to think and more than just a little surreal to reflect on where my life is now because of that one night. It's just so right. Everything before and every tear and moment of laughter since has brought me to this place where I am in my life now, and it's just... So. Right. What a crazy road, this thing we call life. Can't wait to see what else lies in store!

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Another site down off my travel bucket list! This weekend I had a day that I reserved for myself and took a little road trip to Lower Lewis River Falls in southern WA. Some coworkers and I were looking at a website of the world's most beautiful places one night and this was on it. I live 2 1/2 hours away and didn't even know it existed! It was absolutely tranquil. Here's some pics from my latest nature therapy :)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Applications Now Being Accepted

I've come to the conclusion that I need a manager. A manager for my life, not unlike the ones that famous people have. Someone to make sure that I get to my appointments with things like homework. Someone to keep my messages for me and ensure that I get back with people in a timely manner. Someone who will be with me almost constantly and take care of the clerical aspects of my life, such as emails keeping track of my vacations, homework, work schedules, etc so I can focus on the important things like books and my latest guilty pleasure, the TV show "The Good Wife."  Granted my life isn't just that simple, but this business of working full time, and school full time, and planning graduation, and visiting family, and etc has been a tornado lately. Don't even get me started on my apt. I literally just called a friend back who had called and left me a message last Friday; as in almost a week ago. Oops. I apparently can't manage my life... so applications now being accepted!!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Little Things

As I'm ready to leave work for the night, I discharge my last patient; a 2 year old with step throat and a fever. Earlier in his visit we had tortured the poor kid by looking in his ears, gagging him with a strep culture, making his eyes water and nose burn with a flu swab, and finally by holding him down and plugging his nose to force him to swallow medicine to help him feel better. He was really on to something when he said "no" as soon as we walked in the room. And he broke my heart when he cried "please stop" during the flu swab. Through the power of a popsicle all was forgiven, and as he left, he turned around, said thank you, and blew me a kiss. And that my friends is why I love my job. Sweet blown kisses and thank-yous from cute kiddos who feel better -who clearly have stellar parents. I needed that reminder today. It really is the little things :)