Saturday, October 17, 2009

Today of all days...

New favorite moment. So there I was. At the grocery store in my "I-just-worked-12-hours-and-then-ran-3 miles-and-am-just-running-in-and-out-of-this-store" running pants, tank top, jacket, messy ponytail hair, and greasy face. I pull into the parking lot and pull up to park behind a car where a man was getting out. I parked, and as I was getting out of my I realized the man from the car in front of me had stopped walking into the store. He looked back, did a double take, then looked at me again. He appeared confused. I was thinking that he was irritated at me for something ...parking too close to his car perhaps? (I didn't, but you never know with drivers around here) So I smiled at him and shrugged it off. I ran into the store to get rolls for a potluck tonight at work, visions of my bed looming in my head. I got the rolls and had a sudden craving for apple juice.

So I jet over to the apple juice aisle. But on my way, I get distracted by the fruit snacks. I got monster trucks, my little pony, and build your own dinosaur (I already had the build your own bug ones at home :) ). As I'm rounding the corner toward the juice, I nearly run into parking lot man. I smile an apology, and move past him. I miss my bed. As I'm passing him, I hear him mumble, "Do you..." and I start to think he's gonna yell at me. So I walk faster bee-lining it for the apple juice. I have had an awful past few weeks, have not slept well, and have dealt with hoards of stupid people at work for 76 hours this week alone. So I'm thinking if I want to keep my nursing license (you can't have one with assault and battery charges) it's in my best interest to avoid the confrontation.

Well, he starts following me. Quickly. Not in his best interest, I mean he may be a 6'4 (ish) large black man, but in my current state of mind, I'm pretty sure I could take him. After all, as I said previously, there's no one crazier than an angry nurse :) So I turn around, and he says, "Excuse me, but you are just absolutely adorable! ...I just had to tell you that." I wish I would have had a camera for the look on my face, because I'm sure it was priceless! I quickly recovered, all my aggression dissipated. I smiled sincerely and said, "Thank you! Thank you very much!" He smiled, said "You're welcome." And we both went on with our shopping. He had no idea how much I needed to hear that! And let's take into account here my afore mentioned attire, with my arms full of fruit snacks and rolls (a typical grocery shopping trip for me ...well, except the rolls ...they go bad too quickly. Substitute crackers and/or popsicles for the rolls, and that's my once every other month shopping trip :) )

Anyway, made my day! Wanted to share :)

Monday, October 12, 2009


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

I'm learning to let go. It's still painful, but I'm getting better each time. Perhaps slightly more bitter, jaded, and calloused, but eventually that will go away too. I'm learning to trust only myself. I'm learning who I am still. Every day. And ya know what?! I am a beautiful person!

Also interesting...I was looking at my facebook page today (yes, my own --vain perhaps, but hey, that's me) and contemplating how much I really love my flair and how really really REALLY true some of them are!!! The ones that struck me today:

*as long as i'm going to hell i might as well do it thoroughly

*we're adults! when did that happen and how do we make it stop?!

*friends ask why you're crying, best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

*cheers bitch

*make the stupid people shut up

*have you mentally choked an unruly child today?

*i'd tell you to go to hell, but i work there and i don't want to see you every day

*it's not us, it's them. them and their stupid boy penises

And the ULTIMATE winner of the day:


...cheers bitch :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'm at it again...

My name is Toni, and I am full of emotional drama. I hate loathe and despise drama, and I can't seem to free myself from it. I'm having to have many of the same conversations with myself over and over and over again, which is just frustrating. I'm having to remind myself that feelings are feelings. It is not ridiculous to have them. If you have them you have them. Whether their good, bad, funny, angry, or whatever. It does no good to get mad at yourself over your feelings. Recognize that you have them, meet them head on, embrace them, and let them go. Fighting the way you feel gets you no where. It doesn't mean that you need to give in and be ruled by your feelings, but recognize that you have them, and deal with them so you can do what you want. You can be angry over happy feelings that you have, you can be secretly happy that you have angry feelings, you can be disappointed in the gamut of emotions that you can't escape, but it's still what it is. Enough emotional word vomit for one day :)