Saturday, July 27, 2013


Moving sucks. And the thing is, it's only the little things that are left. And I just can't bring myself to do it. So, here I am giving you the ABCs of me... something I saw on Jill's blog a while back and haven't gotten around to it. (Are you sensing a theme... ;) )

The ABCs of Me Right Now

Ambition:  To see. I want to see everything. Go everywhere. Travel is my current ambition addiction. (do I get bonus points for adding an additional 'a' word?)

Bad Habits:  Um... procrastination?

Celebrity Crush: Ian Somerhalder

Drink:  Coconut Water. I'm obsessed.

Education:  Associates of Science in Nursing from USU/WSU, Bachelors of Science in Exercise Science from Utah State, Bachelors of Science in Nursing from the University of Washington. Next up: Georgetown... tossing around the ideas of a Doctoral degree or a dual masters in clinical nurse education and public health with an emphasis in tropical medicine... I have a problem... :)

Food: Blame it on my liberalization from living in the PacNW, but I'm totally in to the whole organic, nothing artificial, no preservatives, good for you stuff. I crave vegetables. I believe that food should go bad if you don't eat it soon enough. I believe that you should know where your food came from and what is in it. I also believe in chocolate.

Guilty Pleasures: The Vampire Diaries. I'm a 31 year-old professional who saves lives for a living and I can't get enough of a teen drama about vampires. Don't knock it till you've seen it. Besides, you know I'm a sucker for a good love story and OH boy is this one epic! (not a word I use often)

Hometown:  North Logan, UT --although I did my young adult growing up in New York City and Seattle

Ice Cream: I actually found one that I like! Only one. And it was a limited edition. Go figure. But it was Ben 'n Jerry's Key Lime Pie (remember my ethical food rant earlier? Kudos to you B&J!)

Jonesing For:  A place that feels like home, and someone to share it with.

Kryptonite:  A man with a guitar... oy...

Look-a-like:  Pretty sure I don't have one. Except my dad and his mom --those are some strong genes!

Movie:  Last one that really moved me was 42. Last one I saw in the theater was White House Down --awesome. Next one I want to see... not sure. Suggestions?  All-time favorite: Dirty Dancing

Nickname: Depends of which one of my patients you ask and how many restraints they were in... (I really don't have one)

Obsessions:  Travel, family, friends.

Perfume: Dolce and Gabana Light Blue -Walking in Portofino

Quirk:  Temperature settings. My car or house always have to be set to an even number. 68, 72, 74...

Regret:  I believe in living life without regret. I'm terrified of regretting the road not taken, so I always take it when the opportunity arises. Challenges are part of life, and I don't regret those either.

Saver/Spender:  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The Last Book You Read: The best 't' word we could come up with is the?  Really?  The last book I finished was Beautiful Ruins. 

Unique Feature: I don't have a cleft in the cartilage at the tip of my nose. Put your finger on the end of your nose (you can sing head shoulders knees and toes if it helps) and rock it side to side. Feel that ridge between two bumps of cartilage? I don't have that. My nose is perfectly smooth and rounded.

Vacation:  Next up is Nashville TN this fall. Next big one is England/Ireland/Scotland hopefully next fall.

Wardrobe: Sun-dresses and khakis --not together of course

Xrays:  I've worked in emergency medicine for eight years, I look at xrays every day. If I can tell what's wrong with it, it isn't good. Last one I had taken was sophomore year of college (the USU one) when I thought I broke my thumb, Turns our I just shredded all the ligaments and tore a tendon instead.

Years:  I just finished a daily photo blog capturing 365 days of my 30th year. The way I feel about years --any way you group them-- can best be summed up by the note I authored on the cover page. But if you don't want to wait for the book to come out, it goes something like the following. There's a million different ways you can measure a year... Thank you lyrics to RENT...

Zen: Meditation. Deep breaths. I'm obsessed. It works.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Closing Time

Time for you to go out to the places you will be from.
Gather up your jackets, move it to the exits,
I hope you have found a friend.
Closing time.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

And so it is. I have logged out of EPIC for the last time. The photos of my loved ones no longer grace the space that was my locker. Tears have been shed, hugs have been hugged, and goodbye's have been spoken. On to the next chapter of my life. And I have to be honest. I'm nothing but excited. I will miss my friends dearly, but we will be friends still. It's all onward and upward from here, and I'm giddy at the prospects.

The emergency department is a strange vortex of sorts to work in. A friend describes it as the island of misfit toys for staff, and that's kind of true. We're all thrown together in this crazy jungle,with only each other to survive. We see people at their absolute best, and their absolute worst. The people you work with are not just your co-workers, they're your family. They are the only ones who know what it felt like to look the father of the dying child in the eyes as he plead with you to save his baby. They are the only ones who know exactly what it feels like to go home completely spent in that particular way after a long day. They know what it feels like to haul ass down to hallway because your cath-lab pt is starting to look particularly grey. They, and they alone, know the look in your eyes as they run the lifeless patient into your arms. They know the tone in your voice as you call to announce something terrifying and scary -before you even speak.

You've been to their weddings, you've been to their divorce parties. You've held their newborn babies. You've seen them laugh, you've seen them cry, you've seen them love, you've seen them hurt. You've shared tears of loss, and tears of joy.  

How to say goodbye. And is goodbye really a thing in this day and age? I kind of think not. And I don't like goodbyes. So I say keep in touch. And I hope that you do. I hope that I have behaved in such a way that you all know what you have meant to me. I hope that I have been grateful and teachable in the appropriate moments so that I don't need to dole out group thanks and speeches at the end. The moments I have shared with you will last in my memory for a lifetime. Moments in the hospital, and especially out. I hope you are aware what it meant to me to be your friend, your co-worker, your mentor and your mentee. I have been extremely blessed over the last five years, and it is these good memories that I take with me. 

I was pondering the other night as I was staring up at my ceiling waiting for sleep to come. I have often said that my heart is in Seattle, and my soul is in New York. I don't think that my heart is in Seattle anymore. I think that it is mine and will be staying with me. It will be hard to give it to another city again. New York I'd imagine will always have my soul. There's just something about that place. But what is in Utah, I wondered. Obviously my family, but that's not what I meant --what of me is in Utah. What am I doing?! The best thing I could come up with is that my bed will be in Utah. And that is a big deal for me. And now, my future. My future is in Utah. Of this I am sure. And that's all I need for now. Because it's going to be awesome.

In the meantime take care of this box, new owner, whomever you will be. Love your co-workers, smile, and be happy. Even when it's not easy. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Packing a Life --Memories in a Bedroom

The faint hint of perfume that remains on that shirt.  The words on the pages of those letters; kept but forgotten. The smell of summer barbecues on that top. The sound of the jazz band that played during dinner that lingers on that dress. Those two photos in frames forgotten in the bottom of that drawer. The carefree day that calls from that pair of capris and flip-flops.  The "haven't slept in two days and  desperately need to let this out" thought vomit from three in the morning. The laughter emanating from that black feather boa. The small trace of cologne that still sticks to that hoodie I kept. The tears that still stain that sweater; the way fall looked on the Central Park leaves in that one. The blister from those heels worn dancing the night away. 

It's a strange thing sorting through and packing up five years of your life. Pieces to keep, pieces to discard, and pieces to donate to someone else for new memories to be made.