Sunday, July 27, 2008

Six ...only 6?! Really?


1. Link the person who tagged you... Jenny
2. Post these rules.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them.

6? Really only six? I'm sure you are all laughing trying to figure out how I narrowed down all of my OCD 'quirks' to just six, so without further delay, ahem:

1. Light switches. If the light is on, the light switch should be pointing up, or if it's the push kind the top half should be pushed in. I'm unbelievably obsessive about this. I go through the house (wherever I'm sleeping ...creepy, I know, but true) and check before I go to bed. This causes a problem at my parents house where the light in the dining room has three switches and it is not possible to have all three down when the light is off. I wanted to call and have an electrician fix it, but mom says there's no need. It bothers me even now when I 'm thinking about it here in Seattle. I'm unsettled knowing that 1,000 miles away in Logan UT there are light switches pointing the wrong direction.

2. French fries. There is a certain order that food should be eaten in. Like when you're out to dinner and have say, fries and a burger. The french fries always should be eaten first. See, when you get full, you can take the other food home and generally it's just fine reheated the next day. Reheated soggy day old french fries are never good. The same principle applies to other dishes. I always eat my veggies first if they're on the plate, then the potato or other form of carb, then the meat. Also along the same lines --my food is not allowed to touch each other. I have to have separate plates or just put one item on my plate at a time when eating things like big breakfasts with pancakes/waffles that have syrup on them, because I hate it when the syrup gets all over my eggs/bacon.

3. This one is perhaps too much information, but I'm just gonna throw it out there anyway. I don't like wearing clothes. I love shopping for them and I love getting all dressed up to go out --even if it's just to go shopping, but when I'm at home (this is only since I've lived by myself ...just for the record) I love to just be in my garments and bra (the girls are too big --they hurt if I'm not wearing one :) ) if it's a bit chilly in my apt I may put on a pair of capri cotton pj bottoms, or just cuddle up in a blanket, but for the most part it's just too much to be wearing more than the one layer. I also am going to have a hard time to adjusting to shutting the bathroom door when I'm in there, and not walking around naked when I get out of the shower if/when I live with other people again.

4. Organization. I couldn't separate these out. All things must be in order. My DVDs are alphabetized, my closet is arranged in the color order of the rainbow, and each color section goes in order of sleeve length. White is on the left and brown followed by black is on the right. Boxes and piles of anything (food, games, books, etc) are in order of size tallest/biggest on the left or bottom depending on what the group is. My fridge has the top shelf for beverages, the second shelf is breakfast products on the right, dairy on the left, fruits in the right crisper drawer, vegetables on the left. Bottom shelf is bread/sandwich making materials on left, jars that don't fit in the door on the right hand side. Also in this category is the dishwasher. There is a proper way to load the dishwasher to ensure optimal cleaning. I won't go in to details, because I could spend forever on #4, but let's just say I have re-loaded many a dishwasher in my day. Even ones that were not mine :)

5. ADHD. I have diagnosed myself with nursing-school induced ADHD. I have very little attention span and constantly have to be moving. Even if it's just tapping a finger or toe. Sitting in church for an hour at a time in each meeting is like torture and I actually keep toys and treats in my church bag to entertain myself. This in itself is not quirky ...many people are like this comes in handy in my profession. The thing is there are two activities that I can literally do for hours on end repeatedly all day without moving and being completely content. Movies and water. I can watch movie after movie curled up on the couch or while scrapbooking for days. The same does not apply for the movie theater. Those of you have been to movies with me can attest to this. I can't hold still and I have to be moving, even if it's just chewing on a straw. At home I'm fine --I think it has to do with the horizontal factor. And water. Any body of water. I could sit and watch water for days as well. The ocean, lake, river, sprinklers, I'm not picky. I'm not sure what it is, but there is something so serene and calming and fascinating about water. That and fire. I could sit around a fire (camp or candle) and do nothing but stare at it contentedly.

6. Air. Un-circulated air. I need fresh circulated air at all times. When I sleep I always have to have a door or window open. I hate the recirculate button on air conditioners in the car, because it doesn't let fresh air in and instead you just keep re-breathing the same air that you and all the other people in the car have sucked in and out of your infected germ covered respiratory tracts. Don't even get me started on airplanes. I can convince myself to not freak out if I keep the little vent blowing right on my face at all times, even though I know it's not fresh air, and I just have to force myself to not think about the fact that I'm breathing air that has been inside the body of the large stinky poorly groomed coughy sniffly drippy man across the aisle, and let's not even think about the air that comes out of people's colon's. You know in a plane full of hundreds of people, they are nearly all passing gas. There is no escape route for this air. You just keep breathing it in and out of your lungs. Ew. Along the same lines, I hate it when people breathe loudly. There is no need to make any sound while breathing unless you have a compromised airway, in which case, you should be be in your doctors office or emergency room not sitting in the movie theater/airplane/walking past me in the store. Breathing is a sound free activity. I can think of one exception, and in that case I imagine I would be making some noise while breathing as well, but I'll let you know when I figure that one out for sure ;)

OK, I tag Jill, Sarah, Kristin, Kristy, Jamie, and Mindy

Friday, July 18, 2008

What do you remember?

Alright, I'm joining the fun that all my friends are having! You can leave a memory of me, or since I'm not married, prety much just leave a memory of me :) whichever memories are more fun.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Birthday Shenanigans

I don't know how to spell shenanigans. It's not in the dictionary --therefore, that's how you spell it! Happy birthday to me! I am getting so old!!! Seriously. Remember back in the day when you were little and high school kids were the coolest and most grown up thing that your little brain could fathom? Then you got to high school and, let's face it, nothing existed except your own little high school world. But shortly there-after you begin to look forward to all that lies ahead. You go to college, and the 22 year old Relief Society president intimidates your socks off because she is so old and mature and has everything so together. Now I'm typing 22 saying, "Gosh, that's so young!" I graduated from college, and liked it so much I graduated twice. I could have gone another 2 semesters and finished a third degree, but that might have been a bit of over kill. I spent the first month --ok 2 months. Ok, 3-6 months after graduation in a stupor wondering what to do with myself. I already had a full time job, but I'd had that for the last 2 years of school, and I didn't have a clue what grown-ups did with all the time that they weren't at work. It took a while to adjust to not having school and studying thrown into my every day life. I'm still by no means a grown-up yet least not in my mind :)

This is the first birthday that I've spent away from home, so the usual birthday-day with family, and birthday-day with friends didn't have to be balanced. I worked the night before my birthday, and it was a bittersweet night. I spent the whole night in Trauma C --usually lots of fun, and my best friend was my tech, so we were all kinds of excited. The only downer was that it was our last night of working together --he left for Hawaii on vaca 2 days later, and when he gets back, my contract will be over. But enough with the sad. We got our butts kicked the entire night. It was one medic after another. I had three intubated patients, 2 medic-eval chest pains, one of whom was a cat-lab MI, and I didn't send one patient home the whole night. Wait, that's not true, I sent home an 11 year old who we thought might have a lacerated spleen, but the scans were clean. Everyone else was admitted to the ICU/CCU. I did however get a birthday hat --made from an emesis basin with a blown up glove sticking out the top. I also got 26 staples -one for every year in the right sleeve of my scrub top. And 26 paper clips attached to the cuff of my left scrub top sleeve. Why I held still and let him do this, I'm not sure --I should probably take the staples out before I have to go to work tomorrow.

Back on track. So after work, we went to breakfast. It was just the three of us, for one last time. Sad! Tears were shed. By me. But I was able to hold them off until I was in the car by myself. Breakfast was good --despite the fact that I was forced to wear my birthday hat inside the bar. I was allowed to take it off to play pool :) Then I spent a large part of my day doing one of my favorite pastimes --sleeping! I got up in time to get ready and go to dinner with my 2 best friends in Seattle. We went to the Crab Pot down on the water-front. It was awesome! They line the table with butcher paper and give you each a bib and a mallet, then dump your seafood dinner (seafood in shells, shrimp with head tails and legs still attached and all) on the table and you just go at it. Yummy! After dinner, we walked around the pier, went to Fado's then went bowling at the Garage. All in all a good day. And it still felt like I was at home when I came home and had messages from everyone either on my cell or on facebook! I have the greatest friends and family ever!!! Here's to a great year! And as a shout out to my girls back home --it's our year dammit!!!!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Chemical Romance

Addiction. We all have one. We all have more than one. And really, I don't understand it. I mean, I understand the pathophysiology of the body's physical addiction's (things like nicotine and heroin), but I'm talking about the addictions that everyone has. Some might call them obsessions, but I am not one of those some. At least not today. I spend a large majority of my time at work dealing with addicts. They are all the same really. I swear that I scrub the giant "stupid" off my forehead every day --especially before work. But apparently sometimes I forget. Each person thinks that they are the only one to try to get drugs, and most of them can be quite entertaining actors. They all have big dramatic stories and elaborate descriptions of their pain, and they are all allergic to vicodin, toradol, morphine, compazine, reglan, and motrin. Strangely enough though, the only thing that works for each and every one is dilaudid. We all roll our eyes and prepare for the dramatics that will inevitably ensue when we explain that they will not be receiving any narcotics. These addictions are easy to see. So are the alcoholics. I must admit, I have a hard time trying to reason these things out in my mind. In my mind, if you want to do something, you find a way to get it done. By the same token, if you don't, you don't. So in my brain, if you don't want to be drunk all the time and loose your family and friends, you stop drinking. I understand that it's not that easy, but that is just the way my brain works. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple weeks though.

As I mentioned at the beginning, we are all addicted to something. For the most part these are healthy addictions. My addictions vary and are for the most part healthy. I only have the capacity to have one at a time though --I get REALLY in to my addictions :) It started in middle school --well ok, probably earlier, but I'm getting old and can't remember the specifics of any before that. Middle school is when I became addicted to Days of Our Lives. Yep, the soap opera. Actually, come to think of it, I was addicted to Saved By the Bell in 5th grade ...but we won't go there. My friends and I arranged our schedules around the show, and it affected a large part of my day. In high school I quickly became addicted to basketball. I didn't miss a single home game, or any that were within driving distance for my 16 year old self. In College, I was still addicted to basketball --just Aggie Basketball instead. Most of you understand this well. It's an addiction. You know it is. Then when my Aggie bball days were nearing an end my addictions began to shift to the Yankees. And Derek Jeter. I get the text messages of game updates, I check the Yankees website and everything related to the Yankees every day. I drove 1000 miles to see them play in Oakland. I could tell you each players batting average, who's hitting streak was how long, who they played today yesterday and tomorrow, how many games were left and what the standings were in each division. I even wrote a research paper for my motor learning class (a 3000 level) on the Yankees. I have a life size cardboard cutout of Derek Jeter (the best birthday present ever) and he has been all over with me. Oh the places he's seen! He's been on my cross country road trip to Long Island, NY. He spent three months living on Long Island, then joined me on the trip to the other end of the country where he spent a glorious 3 months in southern California. He thoroughly enjoyed the drive up the Pacific Coast Highway, and has been living it up here in Seattle. He came to all our parties and even dressed up for special occasions and holidays when he lived with my roomies and I in Logan. We celebrated his birthday every year --there was actual cake and singing :) Each of my roommates and I have had at least one conversation with DJ --he makes a fantastic listener.

You are probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I'm a horrible fake girlfriend. Today I realized that Derek Jeter's birthday was 2 weeks ago, and I did not even remember a little bit! Let alone celebrate with a cake or birthday margarita or feathered hat! Apparently my addiction has evolved again. Everyone take a deep breath's ok, I still love Derek Jeter ...calm down. But like the changing of the addiction from the Aggies to the Yankees, I am now addicted to someone else. Which sucks, to be right honest with you. It sucks because I'm moving 3000 miles away, and I'm having withdrawals. I'm not exaggerating. I get jittery, I'm nauseous all the time, I had an honest to goodness full blown panic attack the other day over the thought of leaving. My lips and fingers and toes were numb and tingly and everything. And I couldn't make it stop. And I'm still here. And he's still here. So really this is all pre-withdrawal withdrawal. The thing is, that I know that it's the right thing for me to do to go to New York. I know that if it's meant to be that it will work out. I know that I can come back at any point. I don't know why I'm supposed to leave, but I am. And it sucks. A lot. Whoever said that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was full of shit! Before you fall in love you are in a blissful ignorance of your numb state. You can't ever go back to blissful ignorance. Once you know how wonderful it is, you can't go back to blissful numbness. There is only the blistering pain of the separation. The fact that -for whatever reason- the separation is what is supposed to happen, or what is good for you, does not make it better. A heroin addict can never go back to the blissful ignorance of not knowing what it's like to be high. It is better and more healthy for the addict to not do heroin, but that doesn't take away the pain of withdrawal. Is it better to have done heroin and stop than to never have done it at all? Of course not! So why does this philosophy apply to love? It doesn't. If you can't continue doing heroin in a blissful continually-high state then it is best to never know what you're missing. As far as love goes, jealous doesn't begin to describe the way I feel toward those of you who fell in love the first time (I mean really fell in love --not the high school kind) and got to keep your addiction for time and all eternity.

So I don't understand addiction. Why does something so emotional have such a physical pain accompanying it? My brain does not comprehend why I can't just stop the crying and stop the anxiety. That is the way my brain works. I do what I want, and if it's not easy, I just work harder and harder until I do it. This isn't like that. No amount of work on my part can change the Lords plan for me. No amount of work on my part of aligning my will with his will make this any less painful. There is medication you can take for panic attacks. There is mediation you can take for anxiety. There is no pill that will take you back to blissful ignorance. There is no pill that will take away the empty gaping hole in my chest that I put there myself by leaving 3000 miles away from my addiction. There is no pill that will make this go away. In this way physical addictions are easier to cure --there is a pill you can take to fix it. How did this happen? Why? I don't know. I hate not knowing. It makes me down right mad to be honest with you. My freshman year of college, there was a girl in my ward named Katie Webb. I don't know what she's doing now-a-days or where she is, but she said something in a relief society lesson that has stuck with me for a long time.

"The Lord always blesses up. He's not going to take a great guy out of your life and say, ' here you get this looser now --have a great eternity.' " The lord must have something truly spectacular in store for me. But I think this applies to more than just boys. The lord always blesses up. He is perfect and his plan for each of us is perfect. The concept has got me through a lot of sticky situations non-boy related, and it has always held true. I can only hope the way she intended it originally will hold true as well.

This has turned into kind of a depressing post, and I didn't intend it to be anyway are all of you ;) From here on out I vow to be a better fake-girlfriend --and I'll get Derek Jeter a belated birthday card next time I'm at the store :)

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Oh beautiful for spacious skies...

I love the 4th of July! It has been my favorite holiday since I was a little girl. Baseball, picnics, watermelon, fireworks, parades, rodeos, fairs, cotton candy ...I mean really. It doesn't get any better. Still to this day, there is something about fireworks that takes you right back to being a kid again. Back to a day when the 4th of July was about who could spit watermelon seeds the farthest and not about how many stab wounds and gunshots can be wheeled through the ambulance bay doors. (What is is about the 4th that brings out the knife and gun clubs?) Back to a day when you could spend hours writing your name and various designs with a sparkler in the dark night sky. Back to a day when you and your family all huddled on a blanket on the grass to watch fireworks explode in the sky. Nobody argued, nobody fought, you all just laid there in each others laps and watched in awe.

This year my 4th was spent a little different than in years previous. Traditionally my family all meets at the parade in Lewiston, UT, where we watch the parade (tractors and all :) ) then walk around the fair for a little bit. After that we head to Grandma's or Wes and Jen's house for lunch and head back to the Lewiston Rodeo in the afternoon. That night (when I was little) was spent watching the fireworks on a blanket on the grass just outside the nursing home. I remember looking at couples that were there and marvelling that girls would dare get so close to a boy --ew and gasp! My how times change :) After the Logan City fireworks we would come home and spread out a blanket on the front lawn and light our own fireworks as a family. The sparklers were always saved for last. I was always a little afraid of them, because I was sure that a spark was going to fly off and ignite my arm on fire. But they were my favorite part none the less.

Those were the days. Then I grew up and decided to become a trauma nurse. As mentioned before, I would not trade my job for anything in the world, but it does change your perspective on things. Trauma nurses tend to look forward to any warm sunny holiday with a feeling of dread. Yes, I know that is a contradiction. We look forward to all the cool traumas we are going to get to see because warm+sunshine+outdoor activity+alcohol = stupidity =trauma. Really I feel OK about getting excited to see what blood and guts get rolled through the doors. It's not that I'm wishing bad things on other people, but people are going to be stupid and get hurt whether I'm at work or not, so I may as well be there to enjoy it! We do not look forward to running our shoes thin for 12 hours and not being able to sit, eat, drink, or pee for 12 hours. Well, maybe a little bit in a masochistic way--the reason we get to run for 12 straight hours makes it all worth it. I'm getting off track. So I'm working this weekend. Without violating any privacy laws, I can sum up my night by telling you that drunk people with access to explosives (and other more traditional weapons --see knife and gun club comment from earlier) is a bad thing. It was a good night of work!

It did mean however that I missed out on my favorite parts of the 4th. Thank goodness for DVR. I recorded the fireworks shows that were on tv from around Elliott Bay, and watched them when I got home this morning. I can tell you that even on tv, it still brings a tear to my eye to watch the beautiful displays and listen to Ray Charles sing 'America the Beautiful'. I don't know what it is about them, but fireworks are just absolutely captivating. They do them well in Seattle. They shoot them right out on the water and it is absolutely breathtaking. Curling up on the couch is not quite the same as cuddling on a blanket on the grass, but the fireworks are just as good, and just as magnificent. We are so blessed to live where we do and to have the freedoms that we enjoy. I'm so grateful for the blood sweat and tears of thousands who have gone before to give me what I have today. God bless America!