It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Nothing says the 4th of July to me like a girl walking through a farmer's hay field in a sundress and flip flops to a small town parade where hoards of small children gorge on sugar and sunscreen. The smell of hairspray and world domination thick in the air as dancers, cheerleaders, and rodeo queens prance by in puffs of glitter. The crowd cheering perhaps loudest of all for the boy scout troop scooping piles of manure into giant buckets pulled by 4-wheelers following the horse brigade. This has been my day. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. The great thing is that this day is repeated in small towns throughout this vast vast country of ours.

I stopped by the grocery store we used to sneak to for donuts while ditching class in high school, this time to pick up some deli lunch-meats with my mom.

I've eater watermelon, sloppy joes, and so many cherries my fingers are stained red. I accepted half-eaten taffy bites from my nephews. I've laughed so hard my stomach hurt and my lungs spasmed.

I watched fireworks explode in the sky, hot dog on my plate, tears on my cheeks, as God Bless America played in the background.

I listened to Kenny, Brad, Zac, and Rodney. I watched The Sandlot, and I watched the beautiful flag wave in the hot summer breeze of my parents porch. I kept tabs on the Yankee game. (they won)

And I gave a silent prayer of thanks to be able to be here with my family. And for all those who have fought so hard and sacrificed so much in order for me to enjoy the day in celebration of freedom and independence.

I'm Back!

I really love vacation, and I really fell in love with the south. Among the things I discovered in North Carolina is a new (to me) band, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. They played one of the nights at the Bele Chere Festival, and I was hooked. So I came home and downloaded their album to my iTunes. Good stuff. You should really check it out. I went to visit an amazing friend of mine, Serena. I met Serena when we were both travel nurses in Seattle the first time I was here. We were both travel nurses again together last summer at the same hospital. I have since become permanent staff at Valley, and she has since moved home with her husband and step-daughter and has a new three-month old baby and is permanent staff at an ER in NC. We really are two of a kind, Serena and I. Very very very similar. We were raised almost identically. We think the same, we act the same, our mom's are alike, our dads are alike, even our past relationships are nearly identical. I have many great and amazing friends, and I love them all. They are all very wise and have many very wise pieces of advice and moments of insight, and I appreciate it more than they could know. This trip in particular though, I unlocked a key discovery from within myself. During a spur of the moment 2 hour road trip to Charlotte (long story involving multiple flight changes and cancellations) she helped me discover that I just needed to find myself. I have so lost myself in a sea of trying to be what others think I should be. And trying to be what I thought I needed to be to save and hold onto relationships with friends and more-than-friends. When the reality is that if I myself am not 'good enough' then so be it. I don't need you. So, I'm on a new mission. Operation find myself. I'm not sure how to do it or where the journey is going to take me, but I know that it will be somewhere amazing. It's amazing how instantly freed I felt when she said this one sentence. It was so simple and so true. I don't know who 'me' is anymore, but I'm going to figure it out. Ah, sweet freedom. Freedom from expectations of others who don't matter. I am who I am, and I might not know exactly who that is anymore, but I do know that I'm done worrying about what anyone else thinks about who I am.

So, Grace Potter. Was listening to the new album today on the way home, and took note of the lyrics to one of the songs, "Fooling Myself." "Maybe I feel like I'm fooling myself, either that or I'm fooling everyone else... Maybe it's hard just to let it all go, but it's goin' goin' gone right out my door." There it is. An amazing visit with an amazing friend. An amazing self discovery. It's good to be back :)

Reaffirmation

Things I have learned this weekend:



1. Friendship is forever. And the best ones are there forever and always no matter what you say or do or how far apart you are.



2. I think I actually COULD handle having a baby... My apartrment however needs some work.



3. There is NO therapy like sunshine therapy.



4. Even after 2 years, watching the Yankees play is like being home.



5. I really like my days off. Like an unhealthy amount. I'm not sure what that means...



6. I miss living within walking distance to Pike Place.



7. I need to use the pool at my apt a lot more.



8. I'm not letting Danielle and family go home.



9. I'm going to miss my Mercy like crazy when she goes to school in New Orleans. I wouldn't let her leave either but a) I'm pretty sure they outlawed keeping Africans hostage in your house a few years ago. And b) I really want to visit New Orleans, and now I'll have my own tour guide :)

Let Freedom Ring

Erma Bombeck once said, "You have to love a nation that celebrates it's Independence every July 4th, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but at picnics where kids throw frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die of happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it's patriotism." I love it, and it's so true. The 4th of July always has been and always will be my favorite holiday. It's when we celebrate what we are. And we don't do this with big shows of strength and military muscle on our own soil. Our service men and women are busy fighting at home and abroad to keep our freedoms and ensure the cause of liberty. They do so not with a big show, pomp and circumstance, but every day. Fourth of July or not. I have two dear friends who have served several tours of duty in Iraq with the Marines, and now a friend near and dear to me is preparing to do so as a Ranger in the Army. I know this side of them. The side of them that loves to boat and play ball and joke with friends. The side that throws one heck of a summer barbecue. The side that loves life and laughter. And I've seen glimpses into the sides of them that have gotten blown up in caravans. Seen glimpses into the side of them that has held brothers as they lay fallen in sacrifice for what we take advantage of every day.

One of my favorite 4th of July moments on film is in the movie The Sandlot. When they're all our playing a game of street ball and they all stop to admire the fireworks in the sky while Ray Charles sings about purple mountain's majesty. It brings me to nostalgic tears. Every time. In the words of Rodney Atkins, "It's a high school prom, it's a Springstein song, it's a ride in a Chevrolet. It's a man on the moon, fireflies in June, and kids sellin' lemonade. It's cities and farms, it's open arms, One Nation Under God, it's America." That's why we celebrate with family picnics where kids trow frisbees and have watermelon seed spitting contests. That's why we celebrate with baseball games and fireworks and family friends and loved ones. Because that's what we fight for. That's who we are. We are beautiful spacious skies, we are amber waves of grain, we are purple mountain majesty. We are America. America is families and friends playing and enjoying the sunshine and warm summer nights. That is the heart and soul of what we are and it's why so many now and before us have shed blood sweat and tears. Thank you for those that have gone before and sacrificed so much, that we can have what we take advantage of today. You are not forgotten. You are loved.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from John Fitzgerald Kennedy. "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty."

And the Star Spangled Banner in Triumph shall wave!

I've spent hours staring and marvelling at the spacious skies while laying on my back on a grassy hill on a warm summers day. I've spent hours pondering the spacious skies at night and all the star-lit wonders to be found. I've driven through waves and waves of amber colored grain ready to harvest. I've driven through several states where all there was to see was beautiful perfectly straight rows of corn for miles in every direction. I grew up looking forward to the majesty of the purple and blue mountains that surrounded my home at dusk each night.


I've walked pulling hand-carts in the footprints made by pilgrims feet. Feet who beat a thoroughfare of freedom across the wilderness. I'm two generations removed from heroes proved in the strife of World War II. I'm friends with active-duty heroes proved in every day liberating strife abroad currently. Friends who are looking forward to brilliant firework explosions instead of that of warfare --the explosions they saw last 4th of July.


I often consider the patriots dreams our forefathers had that saw beyond their years. And I too have dreams that I'd like to think see beyond my years. I've lived in the alabaster glow of the biggest city in the Nation. I've lived in and seen the alabaster glow of several cities across the US --not dimmed, but brightened by the blood sweat and tears of the people who make the cities thrive by living out their American dreams.


Irving Berlin once wrote:


While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer:


God Bless America, Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America,
My home sweet home.


May God truly bless America. We are so fortunate to live in the land that we do. I grew up in the mountains I've driven across the country through the prairies and stuck my toes in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, white with foam. There is no place better than the Land we live in. Wherever you live. It's beautiful.


I spent today on Lake Merridian in WA at the home of one of the physicians I work with. I sat on the dock, I swam and played in the lake, we barbequed, I ate apple pie and watermelon slices. I lounged on the dock and watched an immaculate sunset followed by a brilliant fireworks display over the water. And I had watched the Yankees play ball earlier in the day (sadly, it was not in person but on tv ...still though) It was just about as American of a day as you can get.


And still on the way home, a few tears escaped, longing for home. No fireworks show I've seen compares to Logan's. Seriosly. And, more importantly, no matter how old I get or where I am geographically located ...no matter the brilliance and patriotism and camaraderie of the day... To me the 4th of July will always be me in my pigtails waking up at the crack of dawn with my family excited to go to the Lewiston and Hyrum parades in small farming towns in Utah. It will always be rodeos and weenie-roasts over a camp fire. It will always be popsicle-sticky faces and watermelon seed-spitting contests with my brother sister and cousins. It will always be huddling on one little small blanket in a corner of our front yard with my little brother and little sister --trying our hardest to keep our drooping eyes open and watching dad light our family fireworks, one by one from the box on the tailgate of his truck. It will always be ending the night with sparklers hoping that a stray spark doesn't fly away and light one of my braided pigtails on fire. It will always be getting tucked into bed with a kiss on my forehead as I sigh with an satiated and exhausted grin, "What a good day mom! Good-night, I love you!"


So in the absence of all that, I've brushed my teeth and gotten all ready for bed. I'm about to tuck myself into bed, and I just wanted to say, "I had a good day today Mom, Dad, Cody, Chelsea, and Heidi, but I missed you all! Good-night, I love you!

Oh beautiful for spacious skies...

I love the 4th of July! It has been my favorite holiday since I was a little girl. Baseball, picnics, watermelon, fireworks, parades, rodeos, fairs, cotton candy ...I mean really. It doesn't get any better. Still to this day, there is something about fireworks that takes you right back to being a kid again. Back to a day when the 4th of July was about who could spit watermelon seeds the farthest and not about how many stab wounds and gunshots can be wheeled through the ambulance bay doors. (What is is about the 4th that brings out the knife and gun clubs?) Back to a day when you could spend hours writing your name and various designs with a sparkler in the dark night sky. Back to a day when you and your family all huddled on a blanket on the grass to watch fireworks explode in the sky. Nobody argued, nobody fought, you all just laid there in each others laps and watched in awe.

This year my 4th was spent a little different than in years previous. Traditionally my family all meets at the parade in Lewiston, UT, where we watch the parade (tractors and all :) ) then walk around the fair for a little bit. After that we head to Grandma's or Wes and Jen's house for lunch and head back to the Lewiston Rodeo in the afternoon. That night (when I was little) was spent watching the fireworks on a blanket on the grass just outside the nursing home. I remember looking at couples that were there and marvelling that girls would dare get so close to a boy --ew and gasp! My how times change :) After the Logan City fireworks we would come home and spread out a blanket on the front lawn and light our own fireworks as a family. The sparklers were always saved for last. I was always a little afraid of them, because I was sure that a spark was going to fly off and ignite my arm on fire. But they were my favorite part none the less.

Those were the days. Then I grew up and decided to become a trauma nurse. As mentioned before, I would not trade my job for anything in the world, but it does change your perspective on things. Trauma nurses tend to look forward to any warm sunny holiday with a feeling of dread. Yes, I know that is a contradiction. We look forward to all the cool traumas we are going to get to see because warm+sunshine+outdoor activity+alcohol = stupidity =trauma. Really I feel OK about getting excited to see what blood and guts get rolled through the doors. It's not that I'm wishing bad things on other people, but people are going to be stupid and get hurt whether I'm at work or not, so I may as well be there to enjoy it! We do not look forward to running our shoes thin for 12 hours and not being able to sit, eat, drink, or pee for 12 hours. Well, maybe a little bit in a masochistic way--the reason we get to run for 12 straight hours makes it all worth it. I'm getting off track. So I'm working this weekend. Without violating any privacy laws, I can sum up my night by telling you that drunk people with access to explosives (and other more traditional weapons --see knife and gun club comment from earlier) is a bad thing. It was a good night of work!

It did mean however that I missed out on my favorite parts of the 4th. Thank goodness for DVR. I recorded the fireworks shows that were on tv from around Elliott Bay, and watched them when I got home this morning. I can tell you that even on tv, it still brings a tear to my eye to watch the beautiful displays and listen to Ray Charles sing 'America the Beautiful'. I don't know what it is about them, but fireworks are just absolutely captivating. They do them well in Seattle. They shoot them right out on the water and it is absolutely breathtaking. Curling up on the couch is not quite the same as cuddling on a blanket on the grass, but the fireworks are just as good, and just as magnificent. We are so blessed to live where we do and to have the freedoms that we enjoy. I'm so grateful for the blood sweat and tears of thousands who have gone before to give me what I have today. God bless America!