Monday, November 23, 2015

Hello, It's Me

Hello, can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be....

So, does anyone read these things anymore? Rhetorical question. I've been getting the writing bug again lately. Bad. So I thought maybe I'd check back in here, fluff out some feeling-feathers and see what happens. Much has changed since we last met. And I have much to say about how finding the right hair dresser changes your life, about doing more and needing less, about stolen property and shedding extra weight. About life and love and, well, mostly love. And life. And palm trees. First, something I've been thinking about and wanting to tell you here for --well-- years, really. The word 'but' and how I loathe it. Have I told you about this before? I don't even remember to be honest, I feel like I may have mentioned it in a post some time ago? I'm too lazy to read through and check... So... When I was finishing my bachelor's degree in nursing we watched a TEDtalk video on replacing the word but with and. Was it a video? I might not remember... it might have been in a Fierce Conversations book we read for a leadership class. I'll research and get back to you. Lol, no I won't, because let's be honest, ...I just won't.

The thing is, the word 'but' has no place in our lives. All too frequently we use the word 'but' to soften the blow of something honest we're too afraid to say outright. And all too frequently we think that things are mutually exclusive when they're simply not. The world isn't black and white folks. They worlds a delicious swirl of hues of gray. Let's look at a simple common use of the word. A friend wants you to come out for a night of fun, but you're already bra-less, in sweats with your hair up and netflix cued. "I love you," you say, "But, I'm not coming." Why not 'I love you and I'm not coming.' They're both true statements aren't they? The fact that you're not going out doesn't mean that you love your friend less. Nor does the fact that you love your friend mean that you are obligated to go out. The message that you're actually giving is that you love your friend, but not enough to put on pants. When that isn't the case at all. You just don't want to go out. Do you see how "I love you AND I'm not coming out" is a much stronger sentence? Either both phrases are true and can stand on their own or one of them isn't. And if one isn't, don't sugar coat shit, just call it like it is. No disclaimer or qualifying statement required. Be honest. Be bold. Be authentic. Be real.

"Your hair looks great, but I'm not a fan of the dress." No. "Your hair looks great, AND I'm not a fan of the dress." Don't let the fact that you're not a fan of the dress detract from the truth of the hair statement. And if the hair statement isn't true, for the love of God, don't say it. A simple, "I'm not a fan of the dress" will suffice. "It's been great visiting, but I've got to go." Nope. "It's been great visiting and I've got to go now." Do you get it? I literally go bananas when I hear the word 'but' now. It makes me completely bonkers. Don't do it. Let yourself be real. Let yourself be bold and fierce. This is not the same as being unkind or harsh. Theres a difference between being harsh and being honest from a place of love.

That's all for a minute... Maybe I'll be back soon? Maybe in ten more months? Idk.

This can be a place informal enough for twitter-speak occasionally, no?

The more I think about it, this was from a chapter in our Fierce Conversations book. Which was a FANTASTIC read, and I recommend it to everyone. It's a great life-coach book for being your best self. Maybe we also watched a video of a talk the author gave once? Idk again. I'd say I'd look it up but I think that book got stolen with the rest of my stuff? I'm not entirely sure on that either tbh. If it was stolen, it's one I'd like to have again some day and I should look into replacing it. That's how good it was. See more info here:

Assistant, add that to the list of things to investigate when home for the holidays. Assistant? Hello? Dammit...