Yearning

Today is a wistful day. I find myself yearning for New York more than normal today. A vacation is definitely long overdue, perhaps I'll need to make it sooner than anticipated. I yearn for every second of New York. I long for the magic of the theater, the bustle of the streets, the quiet rumble of the subway, the rushed hurry, the palpable pulse in the air and in the ground. I miss the serenity of the park, the splendor of the buildings. I miss the brownstones and tree lined streets. I miss the Macys. I miss the people. I miss my 15th floor pre-war apartment building with the character, walls, and doors that speak of an era gone by. I miss my river view. I miss the way it rains in New York. I miss the way the clouds come so close to the buildings that the skyline is shadowed on them, casting an eerie and yet comforting flow around the city. I miss the breeze, I miss wearing scarfs and pea coats. I miss the humid heat, I miss carrying a big bag with my life and a change of shoes in it. I miss the trauma of the Bronx and Harlem. I miss the sirens, I miss the horns, I miss the people. I miss the smell of the hot dog stands and the bagels. I miss the fresh fruit stands. What I wouldn't give for a chicken salad sandwich on a roll with lettuce and tomatoes from Hamilton's Deli. I miss the quaint book stores and shops. In my mind I'm again sitting over lunch on a sidewalk cafe with friends. I'm at an outdoor jazz festival at Lincoln Center There is nothing New York that I'm not craving today.

The first time I went to NYC I was hooked. There is something truly magical about the city that was instantly under my skin and a part of me. For months and years after returning from my week long vacation I would see clips or scenes of movies/tv shows/commercials on tv and I had a literal pulling deep in my gut. New York was calling me, reaching for me, beckoning me. When I moved there, sure I was nervous of the unknown at first, but mostly I just felt at home. I left when the time was right for me and I knew it. I never could have made the break if it wasn't so. And since I've left I've had a constant ache for the city. Most days it's a dull roar in the background. Days like today it's as blunt and as in the forefront as my initial withdrawal. Sigh. So a vacation is due. Until I make it back, New York I miss you, and I dream of you day and night. Seattle still has my heart, and I learned long ago that I follow my heart, but my soul will always be in New York.