Standing up...

Hurts. Being horizontal in the fetal position --much less painful. But, life goes on. The fact that you're acting like --and might actually be a complete asshole doesn't make it easier. It makes it harder. I find it beyond difficult to believe that I was THAT fooled by you. I'm starting to entertain the idea, that may have been the case. I may have been that stupid. But I'm determined to fake it 'till I make it. I'm not trying to pretend to myself that you won't see through it. But I'm going to act like I don't care until I don't ...like a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I refuse to be crippled by the fact that you still have the power to hurt me. I wish I knew how to take away that power, but I'll get there. I'm learning a lot from you. And in the meantime, I hang on and force myself to make it to the next day I go to work, or the next visit from a friend from home. To the next vacation. It's going to get easier. And while it hurts to stand I have the support of amazing people. People who don't even realize how they are impacting my life. Random comments, emails and phone calls out of the blue. People who know and know me and assure me that I'm normal and that I'm ok. I love them.