Part II

I'm not her. I'm not the girl that can get over you. I hate that I love you and I hate that you know exactly what to do and say so that I can't be mad at you anymore --and at the same time I love that about you. I'm not the person that you can have a casual fling with. I'm the girl that you settle down and stay with forever because I'm amazing and you don't want to let me go. I'm not the girl who doesn't notice when you ignore me. I'm not the girl who isn't hurt when you refuse to acknowledge me. I'm not the girl who picks herself up, holds her head high, and moves on because it's what is best for me. I'm the girl who loves you. For better or for worse. Even when I don't want to and fight it for all I'm worth. I'm the girl who worries about you and wants you to be happy and wants the best for you. Why do you act like you want the first girl when it's plain to me --and those who know you best, that you want the second? Why don't you want to want me?

Is it because I'm just that pathetic and awful to be around and be associated with? If I picked myself up and held my head high and ran away from you in my own self interest would anything change? I hear how it sounds. I know that I'm acting like a sad rejected kicked puppy. I know that's not attractive. But right now, that's me. I don't want that to be me. I want to be the first girl. But I can't. So really, it's your loss. And I wish that didn't make me cry.