Thought Jumbo

So I've read the following quote in no less than three different places in the past week. When I heard it on an episode of Criminal Minds on Friday I figured there may be a reason it's continually in front of me.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy. For what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another." --Antone Frances

I also had a dream the other night that I cut off my ponytail. I was just tired of it and figured that I'd reattach it later. According to my favorite dream dictionary (used mostly for curiosity and entertainment purposes) this may mean that I'm experiencing a loss of power, that I'm uncertain and confused, making some drastic change to some aspect in my waking life. Interesting.

I recently made a new "life plan" if you well that I affectionately call operation self control. It has to do with a lot of decisions and habits I have in my life, including diet, exercise lifestyle, shopping, etc. And there has been a bit of undertow tugging at a situation in my personal life. All the changes I've committed to are positive, and I'm excited about all of them. However, a recent meltdown following a heartbreak has left me wondering. I want so bad to be the strong confidant woman.

In many ways I feel like I am ...but in this case, I just am not. I wish I could be mean. I wish I could just... I don't know. I think that perhaps once you've allowed someone access to see the inner most part of who you are, you loose that ability. You can close yourself back up and lock things away in a steel box, but once you've let someone in, they always have access to that part of you. So, all changes have their melancholy. How do you just leave a part of yourself behind?

Growth, change, improvement, forward/upward progress... I don't know. Something to think about.

Also a pertinent quote... "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." --George Santayana