Filter Free

So, here's the thing about exhaustion. It zaps you of the energy that you have to lie. The energy that you have to fake it, to pretend, and to act. It forces you to be much more honest. When you're physically exhausted you don't have the ability to pretend like you are emotionally detatched. Or that you have any sentimentality at all over other things. Case in point: I have chosen to hang out with my friends and celebrate their achievements over the past couple days over sleeping. As a result I've slept about 5 hours of the last 48. So on the way to work today when I was completely physically exhausted, I found myself getting teary and worked up about a couple different things. Things that on a proper amount of sleep, I have the full capacity to shove down inside and 'deal with them rationally.' I also had lost the ability to appear as though I cared for people. Because the honest truth is, if you're not sick, I really don't give a tiny rats a*s whether you stay to see the doctor or not. In fact I'd rather you didn't. And let's remember, my definition of sick and your definition of sick are different. And emergencies don't wait. I also don't have the ability to act as though your 200lb obnoxious 10 year old is cute. I have no ability to pretend as though I had the patience to deal with your non sick child. I have no ability to act like the two babies that were delivered in the ER last night were sweet and special and happy and cute occurrences. They're not. Nor do I care to pretend that I didn't wish that a few of our staff would be so inspired by how 'cute' it all was that they would realize their true calling is labor and delivery. I did come to an interesting realization however. My hatred for all Boston athletic teams is outdone by my hatred for Kobe Bryant and the Lakers. Therefore I don't feel bad that I am cheering for the Celtics to win. I actually hope they slaughter the Lakers. Huh. Who would have thought :)