Yeah. Next in my tales from the Jungle (aka work for those of you who missed the last story --and shame on you, it was a good one): Why Asian-IvyLeague-underage college students shouldn't drink while dressed up as Mickey and Minnie Mouse. That's right folks, once again, you can't make this stuff up! Thankfully last night at work, we were so painfully slow that the entire department was able to sit back and laugh at the hilarity that was my patient. Our friendly FDNY ambulance crew brings us a 20 year old female who had been drinking, passed out, fell down and hit her head on concrete. She was caught and assisted to the ground by her boyfriend. This is a common every night run-of-the-mill story until you take into account that the girl was a Japanese Minnie Mouse. Ears and all (including dress tights and shoes). And her boyfriend who drunkenly stumbled in behind the ambulance crew was dressed as a Japanese Mickey Mouse, spandex, ears and all. We get her moved onto our stretcher and plan to let her sleep it off since there appear to be no obvious injuries. We flop her into standard passed out drunk position, with the head of her bed elevated 30 degrees so that when she vomits she won't suck the stomach acid laden alcohol into her lungs. I start her IV, draw basic labs, and start the bolus-ing of saline --all while she is sleeping. The resident is getting the story from the still intoxicated but rather helpful boyfriend. We like the boyfriend. We feel good about clearing the girl to go home under his care asap. As the resident is talking to Mickey, Minnie --in her passed out state --vomits. For those of you who have never seen and/or smelled alcohol vomit, it's a special experience. Highlighted by rancid bits of whatever food they chose to eat in an ill attempt to sober more quickly. It's not pleasant. And since she is passed out, the vomit doesn't projectile across the room --thank goodness --I would have been in the line of fire. Instead in just oozes and dribbles down her chin and throat downward to her neck and backward in her ears and hair. Are you seeing the comedy in this situation? Is it just because I've been up for a while and had a really boring night? I've got a vomit and alcohol covered Minnie Mouse passed out drunk on a stretcher while Mickey Mouse attempts to drunkenly explain the happenings of the evening to the baby doctor. It doesn't get any better than this. One of my coworkers begins to sing the theme song to the Mickey Mouse Club in the background. I find this funny. I cannot contain my giggles. Nor can any of the other staff within ear shot. Next while we all rolled our eyes, the baby docs decide that we need to order more labs and a CT scan because the girl isn't acting right. Well, she isn't acting right because she is insanely drunk, and still being under the legal drinking age doesn't have a whole lot of experience being that drunk. She's not going to act normal. She was acting much more normal than any of the other drunks that we get. Stupid baby docs. So three hours later Minnie has been medically cleared via CT scan, meaning that when she can walk with a steady gait, she can go. She wakes up soon there-after, and is indeed ready to go. She doesn't understand why she is dressed as Minnie Mouse, nor why she is so cold. We recount the last 4 hours of her life for her, and "road test" her. She is indeed ready to go. So baby doc tries to wake up Mickey. And tries again. Turns out Mickey is passed out drunk, and doesn't want to wake up. We are contemplating giving a quick banana bag iv to mickey even though he is not technically a patient --ya know, like a buy one get one free type of deal. Minnie does not like this idea because she is cold and wants to go home. Luckily Mickey woke up, had a steady gait, and they were both able to leave. As they were leaving, Matt, the other nurse on my team turns to me shaking his head ans says, "See. This is why Asians shouldn't drink." Matt is Korean. When I look at him with one eyebrow raised, he says, "Yeah, me included, I haven't been Mickey Mouse before, but I'm not a good drunk either." I SOO wish that is wasn't unethical on so many levels to take a picture of them both passed out in full costume! You'll all just have to use your imaginations!
In other Jungle news, we were so bored last night that we had a fantastic time online. There is a great website that I don't technically remember the name of but you can get there through the website I'm about to tell you about. It's where I'm getting all your christmas presents --it's great inventions.com or something like that (that's right Kristin, you can actually see what you're getting and I won't make it be a surprise!). Back to being bored at work, last night we discovered that one of the nurses we work with was left by his wife a couple days ago. Now, the great thing about New York is that we don't sit around gossipping behind his back and telling each other how sorry we are for him, and telling everyone but him that we wished there was something we could do for him. Marvin, the charge nurse, says, (and I quote) "Well hell, John! You need another wife? I'll find ya one! C'mere!" Marvin then googles 'mail order brides' and it turns out there is a website http://www.mailorderbrides.net/. So we all (John included) laughed and joked about the pros and cons of mail order brides from various countries. This naturally progressed to finding a mail order husband website so that half of us didn't feel excluded. Ladies and gentlemen, I have found the man I'm going to marry. His name is Bertram (Sarah, I know you're proud of me already). And he's from Canada, which would make Josh proud (he remains convinced that I'm Canadian because I don't like milk or ice cream.) Unfortunately I can't copy his picture from the web page, and when I try to take a picture of it with my camera it just comes out blurry and thus does not do the glory that is my future husband justice. I can copy the personal by his picture though:
Name: Bertram
Clyde seeks Bonnie to be partners in crime... I am a trouble maker! Techno-hedonist prone to psychobabble and taking stupid risks. Fun craving, riot inciting, thrill seeking geek girls preferred. Choir girls need not apply, because I plan on committing a few sins and misdemeanors in my time. I got booted off Match.com for cyber stalking but I'm better now.
It's a match made in heaven! You'll just have to check out the picture for yourself. Trust me, you want to!!! Go to www.mailorderhusbands.net/order now scroll down till you see Bertram. And my fellow single friends, don't be shy if you see one you like. Maybe we can get a package deal. They have all been assigned to teams already, Bertram is mine, but bonus points if you can guess who gets whom on who's team and why :) We really shouldn't be allowed to get bored at work.
Oh, and one more random tidbit of why I love New York. As I mentioned before with John's wife, you just say what is on your mind here. It's total blunt honesty in a way that is refreshing and impossible to find anywhere else in the country. A prime example of this was a headline in the paper that I got in the morning on the way home from work yesterday. I took a picture so you'd all be able to share :) It's pretty self explanatory.
Have a nice day :)
