Also...

It is what it is. Love isn't a cure-all. It is the most spectacular splendor, and therefore can also be the most exquisite pain. You can be a pessimist, an idealist, an optimist, or a realist, but no matter which way you slice it you have to keep taking chances. Sometimes when you scratch an itch it goes away ...and sometimes it just gets ...itchier. No one is perfect. Men, Women, not a single one of us. You have to swallow the bad with the good and decide what you can live with. You're not going to get great rewards without great risks. Allow yourself to be molded and shaped. It's painful at times but worth it. It's how we grow. At the same time, never loose sight of who or what you are. Keep taking chances and eventually you'll take the house.

SaTC Experiment

Great therapy. Sex and the City is great therapy for single gals. It reminds us that being young and single is sexy and wonderful and amazing and adventurous and that heartache happens but the next douche-bag is just right around the corner. I had caught an episode here or there on tv reruns, but a while back I watched one that really grabbed me. It was titled 'A Woman's Right to Shoes.' In this episode one of the girls that the 4 used to hang out with is having a baby shower for her third pregnancy. Long story short, Carrie has her $825 shoes stolen from the party when they had to take them off before coming into the apartment. Her friend tells her that she shouldn't have to pay for them because it's not her fault that Carrie spent so much on something so insignificant, and she shouldn't have to pay for Carrie's self-indulgent lifestyle. As the show goes on, Carrie realizes (and tells her friend) that she's spent thousands of dollars celebrating this friends decisions. Celebrating the decisions with wedding presents and presents for all three of the children. She then realizes that after graduation there is not a single occasion to celebrate the single person. Not one. So she sends her friend an announcement that she is marrying herself and is registered at Manolo Blahnik. She registered for one item, her shoes. Her friend ends up buying them, and at the end of the episode Carrie says that it's hard to walk in a single gal's shoes. That's why we have to wear fabulous ones, to make the journey more exciting.

I decided that I needed more of this in my life. So on a retail therapy trip to Target, I bought all six seasons of Sex and the City on DVD (and a bluray player and hdmi cable ...but that's beside the point...). I started with episode one of season one and found quickly that it was a good idea to keep a pen and paper handy for all the amazing things I was relating to. There's not much else need to explain. Here's my favorites. Those of you who will get it will just get it, and those of you who don't won't and that's fine by me. Quotes are narration or dialog by Carrie unless noted otherwise.

"I didn't understand. Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached? And if I was really having sex like a man, why didn't I feel like I had more control?"

"I thought I had come to terms with my looks the year I turned 30 and realized I no longer had the energy to be completely superficial."

"The truth is, I was dying to sleep with him, but isn't delayed gratification the meaning of maturity?"

"I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I will always think of him fondly. As an asshole."

"Was secret sex the ultimate form of intimacy since it existed in a pure state, exempt from the judgement of the world? Or is it just another way in which we deny our feelings and emotionally compartmentalize our lives?"

Samantha: "Just be cool. You don't care. Then he'll wonder why you don't which will make him realize he does and then it's a whole new ballgame."
Miranda: "So, in your world it's always 6th grade?"
Charlotte: "I think a relationship has to be built on honesty and communication to succeed."
Samantha: "Ok, if you were 25 that would be adorable, but you're 32 now, so that's just stupid."

"Puberty is a phase, 15 years of rejection is a lifestyle." Stanford Blatch

"Let's be honest. Sometimes there's nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else. Like lottery winners. Or extremely successful people who are 27. And then there's that hell on earth that only your closest friends can inflict on you. The baby shower."

"It's very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes."

"It takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them. You can't push yourself into feeling good. The only way to get over somebody is to feel really bad, cry to your girlfriends, and to replay what you hated about him over and over in your head all day." Charlotte

"I'm not drunk, I'm sedated from my pain."

"We're so over we need a new word for over."

Carries 5 breakup rules:
1. Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy.
2. Lie. It's a lot easier than admitting that's why you invited the new Yankee to the party and why you maxed out your credit card to buy the dress.
3. Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores.
4. Never stop thinking about him. Even for a moment. Because that's the moment he'll appear.
5. No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

"If New York's signature food is the apple, the signature sound is the siren. But what about the injuries that don't get a siren. Whether you're falling in a hole in the street or falling back in love ...just how dangerous is a broken heart?"

Amazing, no? Now, I must admit that I did see the SaTC movie before I watched the series. Kind of like watching the movie before reading the book. It leaves you misguided and there's always something critical that is left out. Like all girls in the movie (and I thought who had seen the show as well), I was kind of endeared to Big. Who wouldn't be endeared to someone who bought you a bazillion dollar home on 5th ave --and built you your own palatial closet to boot. He did have his big freak out asshole moment when he panicked and didn't drove past instead of stopping to go to his wedding, but he was coming back for her... But every guy in every movie has a moment like that. Besides, I had heard the buzz about him when the series was on air, I figured that he was a big deal (no pun intended) and that he and Carrie were destined to be together. Like romeo and Juliet. So when the movie ended and all was happy, I was happy. No matter how much it pains me to admit it, I am a hopeless romantic.

What I didn't get from the movie that I realized watching each episode was that Big is a giant asshole. He treated her like crap repeatedly and kept stringing her along and kept coming back and being an asshole all over again. He broke her heart a couple times, and she found someone amazing. Aiden. I love Aiden. I can't wait to find my Aiden. And when I find him I won't let a married-to-someone-else Big ruin it. When my Aiden proposes to me and I say yes, I won't end up having an affair with my ex-Big who is still married to someone else. And should my Aiden find out about the affair and forgive me and still love me anyways, I will keep him forever. I will not be swayed when my ex-asshole Big gets jealous and possessive even though he's married to someone else who he won't leave. I will keep my Aiden over Big because Aiden is what every girl needs, and Big is what is out there. He makes Carrie feel insignificant and inconsequential and never good enough. Unfortunately Aiden's have gone extinct in real life. The one's that are there are blissfully married as they should be. So back to Big. For six years he was a complete douche bag with intermittent periods of actual gentlemanly behavior. All assholes have to have some redeeming moments, it's what hooks you. Holding on to those fleeting moments.

But the show was still amazing therapy. As I said before, I related completely. And it was fun to realize that I was part of all 4 characters, not just Charlotte as I thought after seeing the movie. And it was fun to realize that each of your friends is more like one of the ladies than the other three. And that somehow when you put all your friends together you end up with an even balance of all 4 characters.

The show reminded me how much I am in love with New York City. Still. That place gets inside you and becomes part of who and what you are.

And as amazing as it was, I was quite disappointed in the ending. And yet I wasn't at the same time. The hopeless romantic in me (the part created by Disney and fairytales and believing that true love conquers all when I was a little girl) was glad that she ended up with Big. The ending was dramatic and romantic and seemed fitting. And I obviously saw it coming since I had seen the movie.

But like everything else that's not reality, it ended in happily ever after. My single girl power gritty real life success therapy ended with the cold hard fact that apparently if you put up with the asshole for 6 years he will turn into a prince who's everything you ever imagined. It's a modern day fairytale come true. It's the same shit we were force fed when we were little (ok, not just when we were little, I still love Disney movies ...I watched sleeping beauty just the other day). Like in beauty and the beast ...if you stick around long enough and put up with someone holding you captive and dictating what you wear and eat and your daily activities, he will turn into a prince. The difference is this one was marketed for adults. Jaded adults even.

Which reminds me. McDreamy. The wonderful beautiful perfect McDreamy. The man that my friends and I have often pondered doesn't exist in reality. I had a moment as I was watching the beginning of season two on DVD the other day. Let's re-examine this. McDreamy does exist. He's beautiful, he has amazing hair and that McDreamy look (think elevator) that makes your knees crumble and your insides turn to mush. That makes everything he suggests sound amazing and incredible. But he also started an affair with you --painting pictures of lasting futures and homes and families-- neglecting to tell you that he is already married. Then he doesn't apologize for not telling you. Then he doesn't sign the divorce papers because he can't give up his life (wife) in "one day." Then after he rejects you he continues to give you the McDreamy look at work, and be there for you in obnoxious ways and continually break your heart and drive you crazy. He hugs you when you're hysterical over yous sick mother. He holds you silently in the closet when you need a moment not alone. You date someone else and he flies of the handle with jealousy ...while still married to his wife. But if you can endure enough of his wanting his cake and eating it too, eventually his wife will move to LA and he will be McDreamily yours forever.

What I'm getting out of all this is that Prince Charming does still exist. McDreamy does in fact exist. You just have to put up with all the crap first. So if I endure all the pain and misery and tears and heartache and wistful longing and being treated like a discard-able possession long enough, the asshole will turn into a prince. Perfect.

This post kind of turned into a pot of Gumbo. I'm not technically sure what Gumbo is, but in my brain it's like a big potluck soup. A little of everything all mixed together. I have a roommate who is moving to Louisiana to go to Tulane for grad school, so I'm sure soon enough I'll find out what actual Gumbo is. Then again, this is my temporary roommate who told me the other day, "I keep thinking that you should be from Boston. I mean, I have to remind myself that it's NY where you lived, because it just seems like you should be from Boston. I don't know what it is." So we'll see what comes of that :) But that's what came of my SaTC experiment. And now I have a lot of books I need to re-read. He's Just Not That Into You (inspired by a SaTC writer btw), If The Buddha Dated, Act like a Woman, Think like a Man ...the list goes on. Books based in reality. Pay no attention to the movie he's just not that into you. It ends with a Hollywood ending that completely undoes any good done by the book. Now, off to bed and then to read some books... And the second SaTC movie comes out tomorrow... :)

The best of all days

Has got to be hair day!!! I heart getting my hair done!!!

And that is some pretty fabulous hair if I do say so myself :) ...Hair and now work win today, other story coming later still...

Bed Wins

I have been formulating a post all day involving conflict and Big and friendship and New York City and fairytales and Boston and Gumbo and McDreamy ...And now I'm pooped. And my bed wins. So maybe sometime later.

Someday Soon

I will have a very cute nephew and I will take pictures of him that look like this because it is the cutest thing ever. (photo by simply be photography: https://simplybephoto.com/wordpress)

Conversation...

...last night at work:

RN: "Where are your pants?"

Pt: "Where are YOUR pants?"

RN: "I'm wearing them, seriously, where are your pants?"

Pt: "You don't have to wear pants in the ER"

RN "Yes, you do, here are some paper scrubs, put those on."

Pt: "No, those are too tight on my belly, just give me a gown"


I love my job.

Tonight...

Tonight's food for thought brought to you by the thought inspiring writers of Grey's Anatomy:

"Ask most people what they want out of life, and the answer is simple. To be happy. Maybe it's this expectation, the wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually it hits us. It's been there all along. Not in our dreams or hopes, but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar."

Is it the fear of the unknown? The fear that nothing better will come along, that we've already been as happy as it's possible to be? Is it searching for something better and the yearning and hoping for the happiness --that is supposed to be the journey, not the destination-- what keeps us from actualizing our dreams? The hopes and dreams of a better fantasy life that blocks our sights of what the happiness actually is? Thoughts anyone?

Last night...

...I assisted on a pelvic exam where a surprise foreign body was found. The PA-C placed the foreign body on the exam table covered in copious amounts of foul smelling green and yellow pus. The patient looked at it, the PA and I looked at each other trying to hold in our giggles. The patient says to the PA, "WHAT is that?!" To which the PA replied, "You tell me." The patient looked at the purulent slimy coated foreign body and said, "Oh my gosh! I haven't seen that for months!!" It wasn't a tampon.

I found a used condom --not of the medical kind while cleaning a room that a patient had just been discharged from.

I saw a very elaborate and detailed --and very large --phallic drawing, in pen, covering a patient's entire back.

I had a patient with such a massive intercerebellar bleed that her tonsills were herniating down her throat.

I had a patient that we diagnosed with a giant left temporal mass. She became went from a completely independent active life to completely non-verbal in 2 hours.

I took care of a 8 month old in severe respiratory distress, and several other patients in between.

And this was all in the last 8 hours of my shift. I spent the first 6 hours in triage hating people for not understanding that Emergency Rooms are for LIFE THREATENING emergencies. And now, I'm going to bed. Goodnight.