A different take...

So here I am. I'm sitting home wasting time online, captivated by the TV show Gangland on the History Channel. Have you ever watched it? Fascinating! Anyway, I'm trying to keep my mind off my blind date tomorrow. I need to try harder because my attempts thus far are failing miserably.

I've actually never been set up on a blind date before in my entire 26 years of existence. I have never complained about that fact, I have really been ambivalent about the whole situation. On the one hand, everyone has an awful blind date story, and I didn't feel a need to have one of my own. On the completely opposite end of the possibility spectrum, several of my friends have met their spouses when they were set up on blind dates.

I am still ambivalent about the fact that it's a blind date. And really, I don't think of it as a blind date since we've talked via facebook and myspace for the last month. One of the nurses I work with is setting me up with her married daughter's ex-boyfriend who's coming in to town this weekend from Boston. This will surprise many of you. First of all, I'm going out with someone older than me. Second of all, he's white. Third of all, he's from Boston. Some of you are now wondering why this is weird. Well, I tend to gravitate to younger men, I am very much a tall dark and handsome (dark as in ...well dark) person, and --well if I need to explain the Boston thing, you don't know me well enough to be reading my blog :) If this applies to any of you out there, I'm glad you're reading, but I'm not going to waste my time explaining. You'll have to figure it out for yourself.

So, here's the thing. I'm nervous. Not that it will be awkward, or that it will be weird, or that it won't work out. Rather, I'm nervous that it will work out. This is the over-analytical girl part of me that will analyze every possible situation before it could ever presents itself. So here's my preemptive disclaimer: I realize that this is a first date with someone who lives on the other end of the country that in all likelihood, I will never see again. I know.

But I'm moving on. And I'm nervous to move on. For the first time since my last relationship, I'm actually excited to be meeting and going out with someone new. And I'm nervous that I'm excited. In a weird twisted way, I don't want it to work out. I won't be able to handle going through that again if it works for a while and then ends. Thinking about delving into another relationship and the possibilities that that entails is exhausting, and I just don't think I'm there yet. So I'll go tomorrow and try my hardest to act like a normal person, and I'm sure once I'm there it will be fine.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I needed to vent for a minute. My best friend here is my last relationship. While we're still best friends, I don't think he's my best option to talk it out with. My best girl-friend here is at work and not the biggest fan of my the just-mentioned friend, so I can give myself the speech she would give me, but I still can't talk to her about it until she's off in the morning. And Daniellita's phone is off ...I'm hoping for her sake that she's not having her baby :) So I vented to all of you online. Posting about my first blind date experience to come later ...for better or for worse :)