Why?

So I may be just a bit bitter, and this rant may be hormone induced (I'm sure at least part of it is.) And all of you should feel free to leave your comments and opinions on all the above and all of what follows. See here's the thing. Girls like to be liked. It makes you feel good when boys come up and talk to you. Girls like to be hit on. Really. Even if you don't like the person that's hitting on you, the line was awful, and you're not attracted to them at all, it still makes you feel good. Even if you turn the guy down and later laugh about it with your friends, deep inside you feel just a little bit good about yourself that someone wanted to meet and talk to you. No matter who it was. Now it's a little different when it's a drunk psych patient restrained in the hallway at work (that's just never ok). Now, here's the problem. And I almost hesitate to write this, because I don't want it to come across the wrong way, but those of you who know me well will get it. I'm a good girl. I go to church nearly every week, I do my best to live the right way. I have morals and I have standards. I lived in Utah and went to Utah State for 6 years. I was active in my student wards, and had the best roommates and friends. We always had a ton of fun. Dating though? Not so much. I just figured it was not the thing people did any more. After all, my friends (boys and girls) dated as rarely as I did. I spent a majority of my time there wondering how people actually met and got married.

Then I moved away. I went to New York. Then Orange County, CA. Now Seattle, WA. I found the same thing held true in student wards across the country. If good little Mormon boys were dating, they weren't dating me, or anyone who didn't seem to be an 18 year old size 2 blonde. The thing I discovered though is that the problem isn't with young people my age, it was with good little Mormon people my age. People of other faiths didn't seem to have this strange aversion to dating. It was really quite refreshing to be walking down the street and have people come up and start talking to you. It was great to be dancing in a club with friends and have people buy you drinks (even if it's a waste of their money since you won't be drinking them). It's a lot of fun to go out with friends and have the bartender give you you're first round --and 2nd --and 3rd. Again, not that my diet coke is that expensive, but my friends who do drink are doubly grateful that I don't drink. I'm a great designated driver, and they get to share all the free drinks that I don't drink. It doesn't really matter what the men's alternative motives are, or how much they have already had to drink. It just makes you feel good, that for whatever reason they were paying attention to you. That sounds a little sad, but it's true. Perhaps if the 'right' 'good kind' of boys paid more attention to the good little girls, we wouldn't be so attention starved that it didn't matter what the alternative motives are.

I see the holes in this blog, I really do. Perhaps the good little Mormon boys don't want to pay that much attention to people that are around people who are drinking and dancing in clubs. That may be. I understand that there will be people who feel this way. Here's my rationalization. I understand that bars and clubs are not the place to meet the kind of person I want to meet. That is not why I am there. I am there to be with friends and have a good time. I would like nothing more than to meet a nice boy at church or at some church related activity, but the past nearly 10 years of my dating experience leads me to believe that this is not going to happen. This is not the point of this post. The point is not about who I (or any of the other 'good' mormon girls that I've met in my travels) am dating or not dating. The point is that in my bitter jaded old age, have decided that this is the venue for me to vent my frustration to all the good little LDS boys out there (yes, I know there are none of them reading this blog, it doesn't make sense, but when has that stopped me before?) Date darnit! If that is too much to ask, just try a couple lines now and then. You don't have to want to marry the girl, you don't have to even like her really. Just show her that it is possible that someone more than the people she meets in a bar or around town thinks that she is worth talking to. Pay the girls at church a little bit of attention. Go up to them, smile and say something simple like, hi. Compliment them. Tell them their dress is nice, or their hair looks nice, or they smell good. A compliment ...any one will do. Then you can go on your merry way and continue your life as previous.

A girl can really get a complex if she is only getting hit on by people she can't have. The truth of human nature is that we want to be liked. We want to fit in. Many people much smarter than I will tell you that the need to belong is stronger than the need for food, and even health and well being.

Now, mom, if you're reading this, don't worry. I still go to church, I still don't drink, I'm still the little girl you know and love, and I have no immediate plans to change any of that. I'm not depressed, I have not giving up on getting married to a good little Mormon boy --not entirely. There's always the millennium for that. Or I could convert my own. The sad part is, whenever I've considered this option, I find myself reluctant to do so in fear that when converted he will catch the 'I don't date' disease that is a pandemic among young LDS men. It's quite possibly the most selfish a person can be, but I like him just the way he is ...flirty and bad habits and all. The last thing I want to do is bring him to church and risk him catching the 'I only date 18 year old size 2 blondes' disease. Awful! I know. Before I left Utah, I didn't realize that there were men over the age of 21 who wanted nothing to do with 18 year old girls! OK, bitter diatribe over :) At least for those of you who can't hear the voices inside my head :)