An Early Glimpse?

Is it possible that it's really starting to be spring?! It's amazing what a little blue sky and sunshine can do to brighten a girls life. It's that time of year. When I am the most frustrated with the dreary grey sky and constant rain and ready to throw in the towel and migrate south. And as happens so often in life, right at your breaking point there is a release. Today that release came in the form of a day off filled with blue skies, sunshine, white puffy clouds, green grass, blue lakes, sailboats, baseball, cotton candy, blossoms on trees, and the beginnings of green coloring the ivy that hangs on bridges and overpasses. It's the time of year when I again become enchanted with this land of wonders that I live in. When I'm reminded of why exactly it is that I chose to make Seattle my home. When it's sunny here there is truly no place prettier. And spring is indeed coming! I can feel it, and I'm so excited!!! I'm even planning an outing to the tulip festival. I missed the daffodil festival, but I'm so excited that 3 of my favorite signs of spring are back!

Dream a Little Dream

I am totally burned out on life right now. I quite honestly hate my job. I never want to go in, and when I leave I am so angry that it takes me an abnormal amount of time to go to sleep. The thing is I don't know what else I would honestly do. And, oh, I got into the University of Washington to further my degree in the job that I hate... I suppose I should clarify. I love being a registered nurse. I love taking care of super sick patients and massive traumas. Or just polite "normal" people. Even if you're there for an hangnail you've had for three months, if you're just nice, that's all I really care about. The thing is, I don't get to take care of massive traumas all that often at work. The really sick patients are few and far between, and the nice ones are literally non-existent. And I loathe management. I hate that the few of us who know what we're doing and are actually capable of doing our jobs end up getting shat on day in and day out because no one else is competent. I detest the fact that there have been around 30 patients in the waiting room every night at work, and nothing is being done about it. I hate that I am asked if I can stay late every single night (Literally. I've kept track. Every single shift for the last four months.) because of one "surprise" or another. If we're not getting our tails kicked it's because we're short staffed. And if we're not short staffed it's because the charge nurse was caught off guard by the number of beds we "all of a sudden" have to have closed. Even though we close the exact same beds at the exact same time every day of the week for the last year.

Phew. Now that I have that off my chest (sorry for complaining), on to the point...

So I've pondered a lot lately about what else I'd rather be doing. And I have a secret. You know what I dream of doing? I would absolutely love to be a high school history teacher. I had a US history teacher my junior year of high school that was so wonderful that I think each of her students wanted to be just like her at one point. I've always LOVED US history. I have an associates degree in nursing and a bachelors degree in exercise science and I dream of being a high school history teacher. Go figure :) Do I feel 'right' about it? No, or that's what I'd be doing ...but it's nice to dream. Also, I'm sure that if I were a history teacher I'd be beyond irritated at the stupid parents, and I wouldn't get paid enough, and I'm sure I'd hate a child or two. So I'm starting school in June to finish my bachelors degree in nursing. And I came to the realization the other day, that if I don't go on and get a masters degree, I will be the only one of my siblings not to get a graduate degree. And I can't be outdone! Lol, but seriously... With a masters degree in nursing, I would not get pain a single cent more than I do right now at work. With my associates degree. So it would be pure professional pride and good ol' fashioned sibling rivalry that I'd do it for. Well, that and for a back up plan for when I'm 60 and don't want to run all over the ER anymore. So back to school I go. And I'm excited. But I must admit that I'm more excited for my two electives I get to take than I am for any of the nursing stuff. Which electives am I taking? US history through the civil war and US history from the civil war to present day.

So for now i'm content to dream. I dream every day. I dream of running away. I dream of tropical islands and cities yet to be explored. I dream of foreign countries and continents and vacations yet to come. I dream of airplanes and sunshine. I dream of city streets and skyscrapers and parks. I dream of having a quiet house in the country suburbs somewhere with a picket fence, planter boxes, and shutters. I dream of having someone to come home to and snuggly up to in bed at night. I dream of babies to love and raise. I dream of having a puppy to play with and flowers to garden. I dream of laughter filled walks at dusk in khaki capris, a pastel button up shirt, and a white cardigan. I dream because as Walt Disney said, "If you can dream it, you can do it. ...All our dreams come true if we have the courage to pursue them." What do you secretly dream of?

Vacation, Vacation, Vacation!!!

Ok, time to get caught up I suppose. But honestly, I'm not in the mood :) So here it is. I was lucky enough to go on two great vacations this month. First I went to New Orleans, then to Boston. Two great cities that I had never been to. I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, check off the bucket list :) It was amazing. I stayed with a good friend and former roommate of mine that is now a grad student at Tulane. And a former co-travel-nurse and partner in crime drove down from her home in Asheville, NC to meet us. We walked all over the city, and had a great time, ate some amazing food, heard some amazing music, and just had an all around amazing time.

Boston was explored with two former travel-nurse coworkers of mine in NYC. We also walked all over that city and saw all there was to see. We ate some amazing food, saw some amazing history, and spent some truly amazing time together ...and picked up a new accent :) The pictures are great, and they're reminiscent of the things we saw. The thing is, pictures can't capture the moments. As we were discussing at dinner one night. There is just no way you can capture the true beauty that is enjoying a berried lamb dinner at the top of the Prudential Building overlooking the Charles River and Cambridge. The amazing food, the moonlight, the view, the mood, it just can't be photographed. The spirit of the city has to be felt, is has to be experienced. It can't be captured.

The same is true of each city I've been to. Try as I might, I can't capture in words or writing what exactly it feels like to walk the streets of New Orleans in the deep south, expecting the characters from Pride and Prejudice or Gone With the Wind to walk around the next corner. You can't capture the experience of eating a traditional southern breakfast at a corner coffee shop with an in-house pianist and trumpet player playing 1940s style jazz. You can't record the way the moon looks over a certain skyline or a certain river. These things just have to be experienced. That being said, I've had an amazing time, and seen a lot of amazing things with a lot of amazing people. I came home with 7 new blisters, a new hoodie, three new tshirts, three new keychains, two new magnets, two bags full of mardi gras beads, two bags of stuff for my Bosty, and a lifetime of new memories and experiences. And I did of course take a lot of pictures :)

Addendum

Technically addendum number two since I added the Grey's quote as an addendum late last night. But... the death of all things outdated, valued, and old fashioned continues. Today I finally gave in and bought a new camera. I've had my last camera since 2007, and I'd grown quite attached. I bought it when I was living in Patchogue, NY on my first travel assignment. My friend has captured my memories from Long Island, a cross country drive, one from UT to SoCal, one from SoCal to Seattle. She's recorded my memories of my brother's wedding, countless friends' weddings. From trips to Vegas, Key West, Washington DC, Disneyland, Canada, Mexico, North Carolina, Hawaii. She lived NYC with me and permanently stored the occasions. She saw my newborn nephew, my best friends children, countless occasions with my beloved family and friends. She saw me fall in love, she saw me make new friends, she saw me as I grew (am growing) into a strong independent loving woman. She documented the occasion of Nellie loosing her original license plates, a sad day indeed. She was my witness to countless parties, celebrations, birthdays, holidays in every season. She saw my sister graduate from college. She was my road trip companion and secretary, we were a well oiled functioning team. When I bought her she was the top of the line, cutting edge camera technology. She's is a 7.1 megapixel 4x optical zoom. I haven't actually let her go yet, I'm not sure what to do with her. I mean, she still works, technically ...you just have to pry the lens open with your fingernail, and sometimes force the lens closed. (She may have been dropped -or gone camera sky diving as I like to think of it- a couple times) She's weathered all extremes of weather. So I think I'll hang on to her for a while. Ya know. Just ...in case. RIP my friend. You are loved.

Picture taken with my new friend ...I'll tell you more about them later. It's amazing, but this is about the loss of my old friend :(

Slow Down!!!

So I wrote a little bit ago about how baffled my mind was by my cell phone and it's capabilities. Have you seen the Kia commercial where it asks the question, "What if we were satisfied with the first version of everything?" One of the examples were the huge chunky box cell phones (think Zach Morris on Saved By The Bell circa 1991). While I'm glad we're not still lugging those things around, I just am feeling a little ...old fashioned, perhaps ...lately. I mean, I just can't see myself finding the love of my life online ...the way apparently one of every five relationships start now-a-days according to tv commercials. And I went to a man auction for charity last week, and while it was very fun and quite entertaining, I just felt a little ...out of place? ...Awkward? I don't know what the word is ...old fashioned. Also, I find a certain charm in turning the actual physical paper pages of a book. I love to go into old book stores, I love the smell of books, I love reading them, but I am not on board the whole kindle/nook craze yet, because ...well, I'm just too old fashioned. I like reading books where I actually turn the pages. I tell ya, these young whipper-snappers these days have no idea! I saw a funny quote on facebook the other day, "We had social networking when I was a kid too. I think back then we called it outside." It made me giggle. So true. Life is so different now. And it's good, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like I just can't keep up. I mean, I bought a wifi-accessible wireless printer about a month ago and the darn thing took me 45 minutes to set up!! Pretty sure it's smarter than me. And my phone ...back to the point of this post. Don't even get me started on how much smarter than me that darn thing is.

So today, I had to have a cable repair-man come to my house to fix my DVR box. Apparently the hard drive on the box was fried, so they just gave me a new one. No big deal. The guy also hooked up my phone (the land line one) to the router so I could make calls on my home phone in case of emergency. Meaning that my one little cable box is connected to my tv, blu-ray player, the internet, my computer, my printer, the phone, and is my recorder for shows. Crazy. And the box is so small!! So while I was waiting for my favorite lists and dvr schedules to reload onto the new tiny machine, I started playing on my phone. I was checking for updates on the apps I already have installed. I came across a comcast app for my phone. So I downloaded it. And with this app I can change the channel on my tv from my phone, view the lineup, watch live tv, and schedule things to be recorded on the dvr. That's right, my phone now also doubles as my remote control. Blows my mind. Remember when phones had chords that attached them to the wall? Remember the finger-hole turn-dial thingies? My how things have evolved!! I made a little list of all the things I use my phone for. Here it is. Do you think Alexander Graham Bell had any idea his little invention would go this far? I'm being a bit dramatic I know, but SERIOUSLY!!!! So, my phone:

• Flashlight
• Clock
• Watch
• Phone book
• Address book
• Notepad
• Alarm clock
• Answering machine
• Computer (email, facebook, google, youtube, imdb, urban dictionary, etc)
• GPS/navigator (maps, google earth, etc)
• Calender
• Camera
• Photo album
• Television (live tv, recorded tv, movie rental, netflix etc)
• TV remote
• Video camera
• Game player (psp, angry birds, tetris, various trivia, etc)
• IM center
• Music player (pandora, radio, downloaded music, etc)
• VCast Song ID (a category all of it's own ...can't live without it!)
• Skype/video chat engine
• Voice recorder (which reminds me ...remember tape players and recorders?!)
• Dictionary
• SportsCenter scoreboard
• Sky/star map (you just point your phone toward the sky and it will map out all the stars and planets for you and tell you what exactly you're looking at in whichever direction you move the phone)
• Checkbook/bank deposit slip/balance transfer sheet/anything you'd otherwise have to physically go to a bank for
• Boarding pass (as in, for airplane flights ...no more paper to worry about loosing during all that airport shopping!)
• Barcode scanner
• Search beacon ...for when you get lost in the wilderness ...theres a happy little geographical map with a picture of your smiling face and an arrow pointing to your precise latitude-longitude geographical location ...and have you seen the movie The Recruit?! )
• Magic 8-ball
• Coupon finder (groupon, living social, etc ...and thanks to my wifi-enabled wireless printer, I can print the coupons directly from my phone wherever I am ...I told you my printer was smart!)
• Translator (all languages included)
• Drug book (standard, IV, resuscitation, pediatric dosings, etc)
• ACLS/PALS guide
• Weather report/news feed
• Shopping portal (can anyone say paypal?)

I'm sure I'll come up with something new in a few days ...but seriously. I literally use my phone for each and every one of these things. And it could be a book too since there's a kindle app that came on my phone that I just haven't activated yet for the above listed reasons. And my phone is approximately 4 1/2" x 2 1/2" and about a centimeter and a half thick. It's microscopic, really. Crazy crazy crazy technology.

Also ...as a fabulous follow up to this post, and this post ...a quote from tonight's Grey's Anatomy: "Is it worth it? Being responsible? Because if you take your vitamins, and pay your taxes, and never cut the line, the universe still gives you people to love. And then lets them slip through your fingers like water. And then what have you got? Vitamins and nothing." Man I love this show!! Some of the greatest quotes ever!!

Thought Jumbo

So I've read the following quote in no less than three different places in the past week. When I heard it on an episode of Criminal Minds on Friday I figured there may be a reason it's continually in front of me.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy. For what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another." --Antone Frances

I also had a dream the other night that I cut off my ponytail. I was just tired of it and figured that I'd reattach it later. According to my favorite dream dictionary (used mostly for curiosity and entertainment purposes) this may mean that I'm experiencing a loss of power, that I'm uncertain and confused, making some drastic change to some aspect in my waking life. Interesting.

I recently made a new "life plan" if you well that I affectionately call operation self control. It has to do with a lot of decisions and habits I have in my life, including diet, exercise lifestyle, shopping, etc. And there has been a bit of undertow tugging at a situation in my personal life. All the changes I've committed to are positive, and I'm excited about all of them. However, a recent meltdown following a heartbreak has left me wondering. I want so bad to be the strong confidant woman.

In many ways I feel like I am ...but in this case, I just am not. I wish I could be mean. I wish I could just... I don't know. I think that perhaps once you've allowed someone access to see the inner most part of who you are, you loose that ability. You can close yourself back up and lock things away in a steel box, but once you've let someone in, they always have access to that part of you. So, all changes have their melancholy. How do you just leave a part of yourself behind?

Growth, change, improvement, forward/upward progress... I don't know. Something to think about.

Also a pertinent quote... "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." --George Santayana

Thank Heaven

Thank Heaven for mommies!!! Among the wonderful and thoughtful gifts I got for Christmas this past year is a good friend of mine. She doesn't have a name yet, but I'm in love. It's this most amazing hot pack that my mom made and sent to me. It's a large beanbag-like fabric pouch filled with dry rice and yummy smelling spices. You put it in the microwave for 1-3 minutes and then enjoy the cuddly warmth. Great for cuddling when lonely or cold, great for cramps, pms, and chilly toes. I use it frequently, but last time I was home I found a new use. I was pondering the sad state of my sinuses with my father (whom I inherited them from). He said that lately the only thing that has helped him feel better is to put the hot pack over his face and lay in a quiet room. So today after having a fever, exploding head, sore throat, and general sinus-head-rearing misery, I came home from work, loaded up on the NyQuil (one of God's greatest inventions), motrin, afrin, pepcid, and zofran --Yes I'm like my own pharmacy ...it's amazing what you can get to help yourSELF feel better ...just over the counter ...just sayin'. You too, boys and girls can get all sorts of great pain relievers, fever reducers, decongestants, and cold remedies, and antacids at your local pharmacy/drugstore/walmart/etc. Any who, so I drugged myself up, visions of sugarplums preparing to dance in my head, and I threw the hot pack in the microwave for a couple minutes while I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed. Then I grabbed the warm pack of heaven, went to bed and placed the warm heat over my pounding sinuses. Instant relief!! Amazing. I let it sit there enjoying the warm comfort, feeling the pulse in my nose disappear (you shouldn't have a pulse in your nose, it's ok) until the bag became room temperature again. I felt so inspired and so much better that I decided to come tell you all about it. Highly recommended. Moms are pretty great!! And even when you're 28 and sick and whiny they still know how to make you feel better, even from a thousand miles away. And dads are pretty great too, quite inventive and ingenuitive. I think I might have just made up a word ...time for my drug induced slumber. Goodnight all!!